Did you know...

That I am eating dinner,
By myself,
right now?

I am. And the waiter has already made eye contact, been to my table three times, and introduced himself.

What would Patti say about leaving my number? Eh, I've left my numbers at restaurants before... before I was practicing that is... and that has not turned out well... and I really like this place.

Maybe I should just stop by again next week...yes?

Pop Quiz

Here are some of Patti's tweets... I'm going with either True or False, with a brief explanation. If you disagree, let me know? Thanks.

Always date three guys at a time until you are monogamous with one. Men love competition.
TRUE.
I love hearing from guys that I haven't heard from in months and the minute they hear I'm "seeing someone" they all of the sudden turn into needy, horny little boys who want what they can't have, plain and simple. Men love the chase, and you should take advantage of that. Don't settle for one, until you meet "The One."

Sexy is a confident state of mind that no man can resist.
TRUE.
If you feel confident, look confident and act confident (which more or less are all the same thing) No man will be able to resist your appeal. It never fails. I'm not built perfect, but if you got it flaunt it and men will notice, it works, promise.

What’s on the outside DOES count.
TRUE.
This sounds harsh, but you gotta' look like what you want to attract. If you want to attract hott, you gotta look hott. I'm not saying starve yourself, or go all Biggest Loser on me, but take pride in your body, men will appreciate it.

"If you steal another woman's man...then you will lose him the same way you met him."
TRUE.
Ahem... Edmund... sorry, there was something in my throat.. ;) Anyway, this is so true friends... maybe because I have learned this from experience. But be smart, you lose 'em how ya get 'em, just know this, please.

Breaking out the cold weather clothing? Remember: while black is chic and hides all sorts of flaws, it is also boring and unoriginal.
TRUE.
I have on blue today. I will try my hardest not to wear black tonight. You want to stand out in the crowd, not blend in with all the other eligible women trying to hide their flaws. If you got it, flaunt it, it's kind of my thing..

A smile will win his heart instantly.
TRUE.
This goes along with the 5-second stare. If you spot a guy at a party, and you like him or want to be approached, maintain eye contact for 3-5 seconds, and end it with a genuine smile... you will seal the deal. If he doesn't approach you, you may not be his type, or he is taken. No need to fret, you got in some practice ;)

Patti's tweets make me smile. You can follow her twitter @PattiStanger.
I hope she makes you smile too.

Something I've been wanting to touch on for a while now...

Christmas lights are already up and canned pumpkin is out at the grocery store, holiday season is knocking at the door. I think a lot of us find ourselves wanting to be with someone... someone to hold our hand, or offer us their jacket... I had a cold winter last year, and not primarily because of the weather...
In the past the Holiday season has been my favorite time of the year when I've dated someone, and it will be in the future as well. I don't have a big family, so I LOVE the awkward family dinners, and multiple Thanksgiving celebrations, the questions from the family, the endless looks of "is she right for him?" As miserable as this sounds to most, its fun to me.

But, at the moment I don't have someone to trek around town with on Thanksgiving... I don't have a family (outside my own) to bake a pumpkin pie for or supply a bottle of wine for, and that's OK. Although I am human and I do miss it, I have realized over the past year that... right now,

I would much rather be alone than be lonely in a relationship.

In saying this, I don't think being lonely in a relationship is always the case, but in only having negative feelings about my past relationship it makes me so grateful for the choices I've made and the steps I've taken to make it this far, by myself.

It's not easy to be alone, but it beats being lonely with someone...

I would much rather depend on myself for happiness than someone who was-

embarrassed by me,
never called me,
never wrote me a love letter,
never brought me around their family (unless I begged) which may classify under being embarrassed of me,
lied to me,
possibly cheated on me,
made me feel worse than better about myself,
let me walk away AND never came back... which is tough, because I do like the idea of that person coming back, but at the end of the day, I know its just the idea of them that turns me on... not them.

But in this moment I can honestly say,

I may be alone, but I sure as hell am not lonely.

I don't want to dwell on the past, but I will say,

things usually work out, or don't, for reasons that I've come not to question,
but to embrace it with open arms.

Why would I question something that has given me new life?

I was talking to my sister the other day... and mind you, these types of talks usually don't happen, but she had said something along the lines of how she thinks I have done better without a boyfriend than she thought I would... she was proud of me and included the fact that I was a lot more fun than I have ever been. That means more than anyone will ever know.

I HAVE come a long way since my relationship with Edmund-and I'm so proud of myself.

I find that I used to be a "WHY" person, and now I'm a "WHY NOT" kind of gal...

I venture out my comfort zone more often than not, I meet new people and reconnect with old acquaintances, I've changed my hair color with the seasons, and I have come to know bartenders and bouncers at local bars and in doing that I have drank more vodka cranberries than one should be allowed (only on the weekends ;)

Ultimately it comes down to the fact that in being alone, which for the moment I am choosing and am totally content with, I have had the grand opportunity to focus on me. No one else. Of course, someday I will be with someone again, I have no doubt, but in taking this time I have found so many things out about myself that it has been nothing short of awesome.

I may be alone, but AGAIN, I am not lonely...
I have more friends a girl could ask for, a family that's kind of bitchy, but loves me unconditionally, a rewarding job, and a life that any girl would dream of....
I smile and laugh everyday because guess what friends,
I'm happy, with myself,
and that is priceless.

This kind of goes along with my dating detox experience a few months ago, but as Patti states,

You have to be happy with yourself before you can even pretend to be happy with someone else...

In saying all this, all of you deserve to be happy in life, by yourself, and a man would just be a cherry on top of the sundae that is already scrumpdillyumptious.

It will taste much better that way, promise.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving xoxo

Thing 4

Hi friends. So I know you're at the edge of your seat wondering how things are going with Mr. Thing... I can just tell.

Well, short of the long... We had, Thing 4? Friday night. I've seemed to have lost track.. but it consisted of:
1. Fun
2. Beer pong (I made him drink the beer and then proceeded to drink a.l.o.t. of wine... )
3. Getting ddd-runk,
4. Not going home
BUT
5. Not having sex (What kind of girl do you think I am?... )
AND

Kissing. He FINALLY kissed me. And it was hott.
Is it weird that I was surprised by that?

Needless to say after I made the walk of shame and topped it off with breakfast at DQ I crossed my fingers he would call or text me in at least 3 days. I didn't hold my breath for same day gratification.

Although... to your relief (and mine- because we should all know by now that I was not going to text him ;)
he did text me later that day asking me how my pre-holiday cleaning was going... what a peach.

Patti is wise in her ways, and early on she explained that

you do have to kiss a few frogs before you meet your prince,

and even though this isn't first-hand Patti advice, it's true...

Don't diss it, 'til ya' kiss it friends.

He was man enough.

After taking a rain check Friday evening, "Thing 3" took place last night.

Much to my surprise, I had a good time.

I met him at his place, we stood in his living room for a split minute, then he drove us down the street to a trendy sushi place I suggested because as long as I've lived in my neighborhood- I have never eaten there.

After discussing our days briefly, I may have come off as a bit upset, only because my oh so sweet mother embarrassed me in front of a dear friend earlier in the evening and I was still kind of huffing and puffing over it. But nonetheless, he says

"I'm buying the sushi."
I said,
"That's not the deal... I lost beer pong, I'm buying dinner.. it's only fair."
He says,
"No, you've had a long day, I'm taking you to dinner."

We order 4 rolls. All kinds I've never had.
Conversation is little, but it's not awkward.
We eat. We laugh.
He pays. I smile.

Then we stop at the liquor store and he buys 2 bottles of red wine. I love wine. And only recently have I grown to love red wine.

We go back to his place. Drink wine. Watch the Office.

Then things get awkward. No hand holding. No overt flirting. It's odd.

He likes to get me kind of tipsy, all. the. time. though... I'm not sure I like it, or him. But who knows.

I stay too late and he walks me out and says

"Talk to you later."

I say,

"Yeah, for sure."

And skip to my car at midnight.

I'm left feeling as awkward as this blog entry is.

5 Non-Negotiables

If you watch Patti's show, you know that she often has her clients come up with a list of 5-Non negotiables. These are 5 traits that that person will not compromise on. On this note, I feel like this is something all women need to do. Come up with a list of 5 things.... just 5.... that you want your potential mate to have.

I find that so many of my friends don't know what they want/don't know what they're looking for, thus leading them in every direction... dating guys who don't understand them, who don't respect them or treat them right.

We're never going to find what we're looking for unless we know what it's supposed to look like, right? We wouldn't go on a road trip without a map...

That's why this list is so important.

You have to be able to visualize your potential mate, to know
what you're looking for.

I can't make anyone do this, obviously, BUT since I've made my List, it has made the searching much easier and a little more laid back. Why you may ask? Because if a guy I meet doesnt meet at least 4 of the Non-negotiables I have created for myself, he is not worth my time... leaving me time and giving me the opportunity to move on- because if I would have compromised, it probably wouldnt have been worth it... been. there. done. that. friends.

So,

I have described to you my LIST prior, but lets take a look at it again...

1. Family man
2. Educated
3. Motivated to succeed
4. Good personality
5. Tall? ..I'm 5'10 so I would like a taller guy

These are broad, and I think that's ok. Everyone's list will vary because everyone's wants and needs are different. If you go forward with this, do me a favor... BE HONEST. Don't cheat yourself out of something you might consider a non-negotiable because you think its ridiculous or doesn't exist. BECAUSE. IT. DOES.

A friend of mine is a vegan, and she refuses to get serious with anyone who is not a vegan. I respect that. If something means that much to you, you want your potential mate to feel the same way. And for the record, if my friend and I are ever out together minglin' with the hotties, I make sure to ask every guy I meet if they're vegan... because if they are, I deault them to her, because I. LOVE. CHICKEN. AND STEAK.

Point being, you have to make a list- broad, or detailed, of 5-things- you NEED. And never COMPROMISE, because you think you can change him..... or maybe 'he'll come around' ... because it won't happen.

Save yourself the frustration and just find someone

who meets your criteria, not someone you wish did.

I promise it will be worth it.

...THING 3!

We may have a problem...
Remember oh Boy from Thing 1 a week ago... well, Thing 2 took place Friday- we'll discuss that briefly... and NOW much to my dismay, Thing 3 is already lined up and ... well,... it's whatever really...

OK,
Brief overview.
Thing 1- Overall good. Movie, wine, laughs, conversation... no big deal.
Thing 2- We hung out, played beer pong/wine pong... made our way to the bars to hang with friends, he got SUPER drunk, to the point of not being able to talk, and I was just a bit embarrassed for him- BUT the wager we had for our game is that loser takes winner to sushi and wine. I lost. Thus leading to...

Thing 3- ... which is set for Friday. Sushi and Wine. Hm.

I wish I was interested in this fella. But truthfully after he got shit-faced on Friday and THEN on Saturday I ran into him at the bars and he had his arm around some chick, I was like,

"Really?... I'm dressed as a slutty cat on Halloween and you have your arm around her? She's not even dressed up... who wants to be that person? I don't think so, sir."

I'm going to go ahead and go get sushi with him not out of pity, but because he's a nice guy, and I will have to see him regularly since he runs in the same group I hang with. AND more importantly, as PATTI suggests that...

you have to leave good impressions with everyone you go out with. You may not like him, but they may have a really awesome friend who they think would be great for you.

And you want them to have nothing but good things to say about you.!

"So, if you're really going to do this thing called dating, you better make it fun. You better find a way to get at least something satisfying out of every date you endure, so in the end you can feel grateful for the universe for providing you with a new opportunity, rather than pissed that you just wasted six hours of your life that you will never get back..."

-PATTI

And for the record, if he doesn't pay for dinner... even though I lost the bet

... he's not man enough for me.

CHEERS friends.