Did you know...

That I am eating dinner,
By myself,
right now?

I am. And the waiter has already made eye contact, been to my table three times, and introduced himself.

What would Patti say about leaving my number? Eh, I've left my numbers at restaurants before... before I was practicing that is... and that has not turned out well... and I really like this place.

Maybe I should just stop by again next week...yes?

Something I've been wanting to touch on for a while now...

Christmas lights are already up and canned pumpkin is out at the grocery store, holiday season is knocking at the door. I think a lot of us find ourselves wanting to be with someone... someone to hold our hand, or offer us their jacket... I had a cold winter last year, and not primarily because of the weather...
In the past the Holiday season has been my favorite time of the year when I've dated someone, and it will be in the future as well. I don't have a big family, so I LOVE the awkward family dinners, and multiple Thanksgiving celebrations, the questions from the family, the endless looks of "is she right for him?" As miserable as this sounds to most, its fun to me.

But, at the moment I don't have someone to trek around town with on Thanksgiving... I don't have a family (outside my own) to bake a pumpkin pie for or supply a bottle of wine for, and that's OK. Although I am human and I do miss it, I have realized over the past year that... right now,

I would much rather be alone than be lonely in a relationship.

In saying this, I don't think being lonely in a relationship is always the case, but in only having negative feelings about my past relationship it makes me so grateful for the choices I've made and the steps I've taken to make it this far, by myself.

It's not easy to be alone, but it beats being lonely with someone...

I would much rather depend on myself for happiness than someone who was-

embarrassed by me,
never called me,
never wrote me a love letter,
never brought me around their family (unless I begged) which may classify under being embarrassed of me,
lied to me,
possibly cheated on me,
made me feel worse than better about myself,
let me walk away AND never came back... which is tough, because I do like the idea of that person coming back, but at the end of the day, I know its just the idea of them that turns me on... not them.

But in this moment I can honestly say,

I may be alone, but I sure as hell am not lonely.

I don't want to dwell on the past, but I will say,

things usually work out, or don't, for reasons that I've come not to question,
but to embrace it with open arms.

Why would I question something that has given me new life?

I was talking to my sister the other day... and mind you, these types of talks usually don't happen, but she had said something along the lines of how she thinks I have done better without a boyfriend than she thought I would... she was proud of me and included the fact that I was a lot more fun than I have ever been. That means more than anyone will ever know.

I HAVE come a long way since my relationship with Edmund-and I'm so proud of myself.

I find that I used to be a "WHY" person, and now I'm a "WHY NOT" kind of gal...

I venture out my comfort zone more often than not, I meet new people and reconnect with old acquaintances, I've changed my hair color with the seasons, and I have come to know bartenders and bouncers at local bars and in doing that I have drank more vodka cranberries than one should be allowed (only on the weekends ;)

Ultimately it comes down to the fact that in being alone, which for the moment I am choosing and am totally content with, I have had the grand opportunity to focus on me. No one else. Of course, someday I will be with someone again, I have no doubt, but in taking this time I have found so many things out about myself that it has been nothing short of awesome.

I may be alone, but AGAIN, I am not lonely...
I have more friends a girl could ask for, a family that's kind of bitchy, but loves me unconditionally, a rewarding job, and a life that any girl would dream of....
I smile and laugh everyday because guess what friends,
I'm happy, with myself,
and that is priceless.

This kind of goes along with my dating detox experience a few months ago, but as Patti states,

You have to be happy with yourself before you can even pretend to be happy with someone else...

In saying all this, all of you deserve to be happy in life, by yourself, and a man would just be a cherry on top of the sundae that is already scrumpdillyumptious.

It will taste much better that way, promise.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving xoxo

Thing 4

Hi friends. So I know you're at the edge of your seat wondering how things are going with Mr. Thing... I can just tell.

Well, short of the long... We had, Thing 4? Friday night. I've seemed to have lost track.. but it consisted of:
1. Fun
2. Beer pong (I made him drink the beer and then proceeded to drink a.l.o.t. of wine... )
3. Getting ddd-runk,
4. Not going home
BUT
5. Not having sex (What kind of girl do you think I am?... )
AND

Kissing. He FINALLY kissed me. And it was hott.
Is it weird that I was surprised by that?

Needless to say after I made the walk of shame and topped it off with breakfast at DQ I crossed my fingers he would call or text me in at least 3 days. I didn't hold my breath for same day gratification.

Although... to your relief (and mine- because we should all know by now that I was not going to text him ;)
he did text me later that day asking me how my pre-holiday cleaning was going... what a peach.

Patti is wise in her ways, and early on she explained that

you do have to kiss a few frogs before you meet your prince,

and even though this isn't first-hand Patti advice, it's true...

Don't diss it, 'til ya' kiss it friends.

5 Non-Negotiables

If you watch Patti's show, you know that she often has her clients come up with a list of 5-Non negotiables. These are 5 traits that that person will not compromise on. On this note, I feel like this is something all women need to do. Come up with a list of 5 things.... just 5.... that you want your potential mate to have.

I find that so many of my friends don't know what they want/don't know what they're looking for, thus leading them in every direction... dating guys who don't understand them, who don't respect them or treat them right.

We're never going to find what we're looking for unless we know what it's supposed to look like, right? We wouldn't go on a road trip without a map...

That's why this list is so important.

You have to be able to visualize your potential mate, to know
what you're looking for.

I can't make anyone do this, obviously, BUT since I've made my List, it has made the searching much easier and a little more laid back. Why you may ask? Because if a guy I meet doesnt meet at least 4 of the Non-negotiables I have created for myself, he is not worth my time... leaving me time and giving me the opportunity to move on- because if I would have compromised, it probably wouldnt have been worth it... been. there. done. that. friends.

So,

I have described to you my LIST prior, but lets take a look at it again...

1. Family man
2. Educated
3. Motivated to succeed
4. Good personality
5. Tall? ..I'm 5'10 so I would like a taller guy

These are broad, and I think that's ok. Everyone's list will vary because everyone's wants and needs are different. If you go forward with this, do me a favor... BE HONEST. Don't cheat yourself out of something you might consider a non-negotiable because you think its ridiculous or doesn't exist. BECAUSE. IT. DOES.

A friend of mine is a vegan, and she refuses to get serious with anyone who is not a vegan. I respect that. If something means that much to you, you want your potential mate to feel the same way. And for the record, if my friend and I are ever out together minglin' with the hotties, I make sure to ask every guy I meet if they're vegan... because if they are, I deault them to her, because I. LOVE. CHICKEN. AND STEAK.

Point being, you have to make a list- broad, or detailed, of 5-things- you NEED. And never COMPROMISE, because you think you can change him..... or maybe 'he'll come around' ... because it won't happen.

Save yourself the frustration and just find someone

who meets your criteria, not someone you wish did.

I promise it will be worth it.

...THING 3!

We may have a problem...
Remember oh Boy from Thing 1 a week ago... well, Thing 2 took place Friday- we'll discuss that briefly... and NOW much to my dismay, Thing 3 is already lined up and ... well,... it's whatever really...

OK,
Brief overview.
Thing 1- Overall good. Movie, wine, laughs, conversation... no big deal.
Thing 2- We hung out, played beer pong/wine pong... made our way to the bars to hang with friends, he got SUPER drunk, to the point of not being able to talk, and I was just a bit embarrassed for him- BUT the wager we had for our game is that loser takes winner to sushi and wine. I lost. Thus leading to...

Thing 3- ... which is set for Friday. Sushi and Wine. Hm.

I wish I was interested in this fella. But truthfully after he got shit-faced on Friday and THEN on Saturday I ran into him at the bars and he had his arm around some chick, I was like,

"Really?... I'm dressed as a slutty cat on Halloween and you have your arm around her? She's not even dressed up... who wants to be that person? I don't think so, sir."

I'm going to go ahead and go get sushi with him not out of pity, but because he's a nice guy, and I will have to see him regularly since he runs in the same group I hang with. AND more importantly, as PATTI suggests that...

you have to leave good impressions with everyone you go out with. You may not like him, but they may have a really awesome friend who they think would be great for you.

And you want them to have nothing but good things to say about you.!

"So, if you're really going to do this thing called dating, you better make it fun. You better find a way to get at least something satisfying out of every date you endure, so in the end you can feel grateful for the universe for providing you with a new opportunity, rather than pissed that you just wasted six hours of your life that you will never get back..."

-PATTI

And for the record, if he doesn't pay for dinner... even though I lost the bet

... he's not man enough for me.

CHEERS friends.

Mirror, Mirror... take two...

Over the past few months, lets be honest, I've let myself go... I don't know why, and I don't know how it happened (LIE! I do...) BUT it needs to stop. PATTI SAYS, I have to have "fuckability factor" and believe it or not... what is on the outside.does.count... :) Anyway...my friends might still tell me I look good, and I might feel good inside, but I know better when I go to karaoke and I'm out of breath after singing T.I. "Whatever You Like" So- here's the game plan...

1. Record what I eat- daily. Possibly even do Weight Watchers... but not officially yet, because I'm b-roke.
2. WORK OUT- here's where my problem lies. When I'm not active, my weight creeps up on me like a silent Little snake... I need to pick up the activity in my life.
3. That's. it.

If I eat less, and workout more, I should be golden!

AND OH! I became a blonde over the weekend...I like instant confidence! And I'll definitely keep ya updated on whether or not they have more fun :)

...Thing 2

T.G.I.F (first of all)- it has been one of those weeks... a great one, but disguised under the sleep deprivation, bad eating habits and long hours at work. Needless to say, it's Friday, so no more complaining from this girl!

Alright, alright... remember Oh Boy who I had a "thing" with on Tuesday? Well, "thing 2" is tonight.


Lets back track...

Tuesday ended on a pretty positive note with him saying...

"We'll talk later"

I'll take that. As Wednesday came and went, I had heard nothing from him- buuuut if you've learned anything I'm stubborn. I did not call him/ text him... because a. I don't do that... and there's no b.- I simply. don't. text. guys. after. dates.


Here's the deal...


I want one who will chase me, and if I set the precedent that I will chase him and do all the work in the beginning, that's how it will be if we go forward into a relationship. Point. blank. friends. I've been there, don't that, and I will reciprocate effort in a relationship, but I wont carry it on my back- it's tiring.


And also- there should be no communication with the guy until he has time to think about what just happened... see, guys need time to process the experience, the ... "thing" or the date... maybe to distinguish if it was a thing or a date... whatever, they just need time to process it. That's why you leave it up to him to contact you- because if you call him and distract him, he will not be able to see the great person he just had a great thing or date with :)

Gah.... I just want to share so much of Patti's advice with you- it's hard to stay on track, but this is very similar to how my mind works- so scattered.

Anyway...


Thursday came... as I was telling a girlfriend at work about my "thing" on Tuesday she asked if he had contacted me, and I said

"It's only been 2 days girl, if he doesn't call me by tomorrow, we can worry."

NOT 2 minutes later, he texted me. I love moments like this. This fellow and I have a running talk smack game going. I beat him at a game 2 weekends ago and since then, he posed a re-match and we have spent last week getting each other going as far as challenging each other to a re-match. So as I get a message that says,

"There can only be one champion. Prepare to be vanquished"

I got excited. We nonchalantly lined up "thing 2" for tonight- consisting of watching The League, pre-drinking some hot and hard cider, and then a friendly little re-match of beer pong. I may dress up in my Ke$ha costume- would that be too much? I don't think so.

"They met ONLINE, can you believe it?"

Do you hear this phrase a lot? I DO. I feel like the idea of meeting people online has become more widespread over the past 10 years than we actually realize. More and more people meet online, connect and as I have noticed, get married. Now I don’t have any statistics, but I can tell you I know about 3-5 couples just off hand who have met online and are now married.

First of all, let’s get one thing straight, there is no shame in meeting people on internet dating sites. Internet dating should be fun and remember,

“If it becomes boring or burdensome, it might not be for you…”

There is one rule of thumb when it comes to online dating and that is: HONESTY. No lying girlfriends… not about your height, weight, hair color or interests. Also, rule number two, just like dating in real life ;-) the guy must make the first move… whoever calls most, has more interest- but when it comes to internet dating, the man must contact you- NO EXCEPTIONS Ms. Thang, no matter how cute he is.

To take internet dating for a spin, Patti has a few fool-proof tips- so I have taken the liberty to give you the abridged version of her 12 page dedication to internet dating.



SO- Here we go…

A few notes on creating a desirable profile:

Picture Perfect
To get a better man, you must have a better photo.
Patti suggests the following-

Glamour shots
The picture must show from the top of your head to the bottom of your thigh… you would want to see the whole package, right?
No trendy clothes, just something flattering and possibly in multiple outfits.
Smile- men find engaging, warm and happy attractive.
NO ALCOHOL in pictures.

Provocative Profile
Honesty is the Best Policy
Be 100%HONEST.

Create a fun, flirty screen name… try to avoid placing ‘licious’ at the end of your name.
State what you have to offer first, and not what your intentions and desires are… use words like playful, energetic, fun, attractive… don’t be humble. DON’T use words like sexy and steamy…unless you’re looking for a quickie…

If you’re looking for a man who has some money to offer, veer away from phrases like,

“I’m looking for a generous man who will…”
and say something more like,
“I’m looking for a guy at the top of his game” or
“I’m doing great at my career and I hope you are too.”

Men do not like shopping with women.
Expand the search geographically by 100 miles of where you live- Love knows no distance.


If you take the above steps in highlighting your profile men will be lining up to add you as a friend and ask you out. You will get most attention in the first week and month of joining, so take advantage of being on the rotation of new, attractive women. To weed out the men of worthy, here are the ones you reject:

The man who gives you his number and asks you to call him for a date that night= QUICKIE
The man who asks for more photos= NARCISSISTIC PERFECTIONIST
The man who doesn’t ask for your number after 2-3 lengthy emails or deep conversations.
The man who has bad photos, who you think you’ll get back too= NOT EVER GOING TO LOOK BETTER.
The man who corrects your grammar and/or edits your profile= CLASSIC CRITICIZER.

Get to know the potential Mr. Rights and Patti says

"if he hasn’t arranged a date after two initial emails, he’s not serious about looking for a wife; he’s looking for an email buddy."

When you do meet someone who wants to take you on a date, remember:

COFFEE= Cheap
DRINKS= Audition
LUNCH= Interview
DINNER= Business

If he’ll spend money on you it indicates that he is serious AND this is crucial to know in any form of dating.

“The guy that wants to get married wants to spend that money on you.”

The man who has marriage on the mind is reading through profiles and just wants to find his match and get off the market.

CAUTIONS about online dating:

Knowing too much about him.
Deceit.
When meeting, go somewhere public and check in with a girlfriend before you go.
DO NOT go to his place after wards.
Watch to not get addicted- don’t spend longer than an hour or less on online dating- and only make it 1/3 OF YOUR SEARCH.

Phew, Patti just goes on and on about online dating… I’m thinking about going and getting an online profile myself after spending all day re-reading her ideas…
is she convincing enough for YOU?

2. Step III- Making your Matchmaking Map!

In creating your Own Matchmaking Map, you have to have options!

When I read this Step, I was slightly overwhelmed and a little nervous about the great ways Patti suggests to meet eligible singles. I was also excited! Patti always makes things sound super fun and easy… that’s probably a matter of perspective,

but I trust Patti wholly and completely and I just know she would never steer me wrong!

In saying this, Patti gives us three ways in that we can potentially find Mr. Right and those three endeavors include the following:

Online
Personal Contacts
Out and About

I'm not going to spend too much time talking about each of these, but I do want to hit some of the hot topics that Patti discusses within along with some tactics I have personally used.

You do have a pen, right?

Are you....

Leaving bitter feelings behind…

Learning from past mistakes…

Finding happiness within…

Feeling good from the inside will reflect the outside and in that are you taking care of yourselves emotionally and physically…

Ready to Love again?

I know I am, and I hope you are too… and If so, we're moving full force ahead to STEP III and that is creating your Own Matchmaking Map. Before we do that I have a few things to share...

This happens to be a very important step, so get that
purse size notebook out and a pen and get ready…

Finding the perfect man is somewhat similar to finding your perfect house- and this analogy will come in handy a bit later for sure, but for now- the three most important factors in finding your perfect match are a lot like the three important factors in finding your dream house: LOCATION, LOCATION, and LOCATION! Like knowing where you want to live and where would be best for you, in finding the man of our dreams, we have to know where to find him.

Patti shares a few statistics, and since I’m not a huge fan of numbers, I’m only going to skim them over for you… (All of these stats are based on the singles population only)

There are about 6% more single women than men.

There are approximately 25.4 million single guys in the U.S.

between the ages of 25-40.

The cities with at least 40,000 more single women than single men are:

New York/northern New Jersey, Memphis, Atlanta, Philadelphia and Washington D.C.

The New York/northern New Jersey area has about

185,000 more single women than single men.

Patti does not hesitate to tell us that if Love is not working for us where we are currently living that relocating is not a terrible idea. As desperate as it may sound she says that if you were made to transfer for your job, you would do it, so why not transfer somewhere to find true love… which is more satisfying than any job any of us will ever have.

It defniitely puts Finding Mr. Right in perspective... and I find myself wondering...

What is LOVE WORTH?

1. A LiTTle Secret about Dating Detox

I’m really good at keeping secrets, but sometimes secrets have to be told to help other people… i.e. YOU, my readers. So, in saying this, there are two things I have yet to tell you about my Dating Detox experience. Now, don’t get too excited or nervous, I have yet to do anything to compromise my fellowship to Patti, but I did almost fall victim to one of Patti’s notes about Dating Detox and that is,

“Do not settle for the first guy you meet out of Dating Detox…”

Of course, there is always an exception, but Patti looks at dating like trying on shoes for a wedding…

You can’t settle for the pair that’s a little too small, and rubs your ankle wrong, or the pair that’s just a shade too light but you don’t think anyone will notice because the weddings at night or the pair that has a real big flower on it but the shoe itself is the perfect color…

At the end of the night, the shoe that might have been discounted was probably marked down for a reason and even if it was a thrifty purchase, the color was wrong, and the flower was awful and the small shoe rubbed a blister the size of Texas on the back of your foot… and it hurt.

We all have done this, whether it was a shoe, or a guy…

and ultimately the shoe or the guy didn’t work out because it wasn’t exactly what we needed and we suffered through the night because we didn’t have the patience or the time to find exactly what were looking for

… And we more than likely paid the price.

In saying this, you might have seen an absence in entries there for a bit in April and I'm sorry. I feel extremely accountable to you all, and I felt terrible I was leaving you out of my life... but I was slightly embarrassed... And that was because I was consumed by a gentleman whom I reconnected with after several months of detoxing and we began dating. I should have followed my gut,

AKA Patti sitting on my shoulder telling me that this was not the best idea, that just because he was the first “marriage minded” guy that I have met, does NOT mean I have to just throw in the towel

… I should have known better… I should have come to you all…

Well we started dating exclusively and it was great... I suppose… he met my family, I met his, we hung out with his friends, he cooked me dinner, I cooked him dinner… it was a great courtship… but there was something missing……..

I started freaking out. LIKE FREAKING OUT. I was like,

“I can’t do this, I can’t be a girlfriend, and I can’t love or be loved….”

It was super scary… but then I realized…. It wasn’t him, or me… it just wasn’t the perfect fit… and that’s OK.

We ended badly, because I led him on and I feel terrible about that. Ultimately it was better to end it sooner than later… because I found out that my foot can not fit into a size 9 shoe and that is that… and in realizing that I feel like it was a small victory, but in battle someone has to get hurt… it just wasn’t me this time.

GREEN LIGHT

THE DATE WENT... like this...

We grabbed Sushi at a local Japanese grill.
We talked about ....

Everything... (BUT the off-limit topics for a first date, according to Patti).

He encompasses the following of my top 5 MUST-HAVES:

1. Tall


2. Good sense of fhumor


3. Family Man


4. Has a steady job

He made me smile... and laugh. I enjoyed that.
We took a walk after dinner.
He held my hand. That was great.

He kissed me goodnight.

...GREAT.

IMPORTANT::::: I used Patti's "Pay it Forward" technique. I will share more later.

The Ten Commandments of Dating

THOU SHALT....

Return calls promptly.
Honor thy dating commitments.
Let the man take the lead.
(In the beginning) leave the past in the past.
Be engaging.
Not drink too much on a date.
Not be a gold digger.
Act like a lady.
Express sincere interest and appreciation.
Not become intimate in the first date.
Not wear too much bling.

P.S. I have a date tonight.

My TRANSFORMATION

For those of you who don’t know me well, you don’t know me…
But for those of you who do, I hope you have seen some sort of transformation over the past few months, because I sure have. I mean sometimes I catch myself looking in the mirror or doing things and I think, “Who are you?” and as weird as that sounds, I LOVE it!

So in going through Patti’s List of looking ourselves up and down I have taken the following actions- all positive and reinforcing.

HAIR- You can call me Rogue.

I am now a brunette.
I was a redhead for the past year or two (ish) and even before Patti suggested against it, I realized red was doing nothing for me, so, there it went with a box and a night of vomiting in the shower, yeah… terrible experience.
I also have a slight blonde highlight in the front which I like call my superhero edge… it brings out the inner blonde in me… which I now realize why they say blondes have more fun.
And Im letting it grow out as much as I want to cut it off SO- HAIR, check!

LIPS- Pouty and Plump

I have packed my cosmetic pouch in my purse up with 2-3 different colors of lip gloss and I always apply it… it cant hurt.
I wear pinks and nudes because my skin is fair, and my lips are large.

MAKEUP- Still learning…

I like to wear makeup, but Im still learning on how to apply it so I still need to take advice and get my bum to the mall.
I go for the natural look- powder, gloss, bronzer, eyeliner and mascara… and it does do the trick!

BODY- I like to be naked.

I’ve been “training” for a 5K the past 6 weeks and it has done wonders for my body.
I have a flatter stomach, tighter ass and sweet calves.
I challenged myself to “run” and I did it… which was an accomplishment in itself.
And I understand at one point someone will be seeing me naked and I really do not want to disappoint… it’s not in the cards right now. .. So, I want to undress to impress.
And to no surprise, exercise is better than sex with someone who doesn’t love you…
AND Patti is so right ALL the time… because since I’ve been running I’ve lost a few pounds and the lighter I am the sexier I feel …. And now I’m feeling pretty terrible about those sour cream and cheddar chips I just devoured… gross.

CLOTHES

I have retired a lot of my baggy t-shirts and A-Line skirts for tighter shirts and shorter skirts.
I flaunt what I got and that is that.
My mom also makes me skirts that are very flattering that I absolutely love.

SO in doing all these things I had come to the realization that prior to this self-discovery stage I did not like who I was and at the time was not willing to change because was so used to being that person. But with a little effort and a little will I did the most impressive thing I have ever done for myself and that was…I changed and in that change I improved who I was inside and out and I became someone I have always wanted to be… and to be honest, she’s pretty BA.

W.W.P.D.?

I love Patti and I feel like I don't really talk about her enough in my posts... so this post is going to be dedicated to her.

On a daily basis, I get advice from Patti, via twitter.

I love twitter- I might get PracticingPatti a twitter account...
but let me think about that first.

I love twitter because it gives me a way to keep in touch with friends and their random, crazy antics. Even if they are cities away, if they twitter something ridiculous it makes me feel like I experienced that event with them. Patti does two things with her twitter; she does personal promotion, in that she lets her followers know when she will be on a certain radio show or t.v. shows but she also sends out daily advice. For those of you who haven't already bought and read her book, it is advice straight from it. It is sporadic, but meaningful, and such a sweet surprise when I pick up the phone and see her little tweet...

Here are some recent tweets I have received from ours truly *And maybe I'm crazy, but I always hear her voice saying these things*...

• Start frequenting the places where single men gather - put yourself smack dab in the middle of their radar.

• You should always thank a man for the date while you're on it - that's sufficient.

• You must be prompt and not make him wait more than ten minutes for you.

• Remember knowledge is power. It's helpful to know more about him than he does about you...

• Let the endorphins flow by going for ride near the beach on a bicycle built for two.

• Part of acting like a lady involves allowing him to be a gentleman.

• If witty banter is not your forte, at least ask interesting questions.

• Talking about $ is crass by those who have & threatening by those who don’t. If u lead with $ foot = zap romance & go straight to biz mode.

• If you do the initiating in the beginning, you'll set the precedent for life, and you'll do all the initiating in the future...

• NO “EX TALK”. Men don't want to hear about your previous guys. The less you care about your past relationships, the more desirable you are.

• CHASE SPACE. Let the man pursue you. Let him call you. He NEEDS to be the hunter & enjoys it. Don't take that joy away from him.

• COMPASSION = SEXY. Helping others helps you! Most millionaires ♡ the philanthropic life – just ask Brad Pitt. Volunteer at ur fave charity.

• LEAVE SOMETHING BEHIND. Little perfume on pillow, casserole in oven, tidy home, a note. A nice reminder makes him think about you all day.

After reading through these, even today, they all make sense. I love her! I have Patti's tweets come directly to my phone, which is great because she keeps me in check.

I find that I enjoy being accountable to something, or someone, and that is Patti. If I find myself analyzing, or critiquing or just thinking about a guy or a situation, I think, "What would Patti Do (W.W.P.D?)"

And more often than not, I channel Patti, read through my bible and she answers my questions... granted, it might not be the answer I hoped for, but it is probably the right answer.

I have actually taken a handful of her advice in the above tweets... and friends, they work. I look forward to using more of them, but only time will tell. If you need a pick me up, follow Patti on twitter, she'll keep you in check...your head and your heart, and if you ever find yourself at a crossroads, just ask yourself,

"W.W.P.D.?"

http://twitter.com/pattistanger

LOVE Patti.

If You Build Him....

Since I'm slightly confused in what I'm looking for, you might be too... and that's OK ....because Patti says it's OK...and what Patti says..!

She lays out, yet another way to create/ manifest the guy of your dreams. It comes with a few steps, but with every step we take we are getting closer to finding him!

Patti points out that as clueless as some of us are in what we are looking for in a mate, we live in five distinct worlds:

SPIRITUAL *PHYSICAL * EMOTIONAL
* INTELLECTUAL *FINANCIAL

None of us split time equally between them, but we have to think about which worlds are most important to us and then we have to think about

"How important it is for your ideal mate to match up
to your preferences in each of these categories?"

So to sync your mind, body and soul Patti suggests to make a list... yes, another list, but really, these lists are quite beneficial... MAKE A LIST of at least 5 qualities that you want your potential mate to possess that fall under the above categories. Some may have 5 qualifications, and some may have 2 or 3, depending on how important each "world" is to you.

I will share with you my list, and in this I want to give you some advice. When you makes these lists of characteristic traits, make sure you are not tricking yourself into thinking that what you want/need is not a certain characteristic because that is what you currently have, or have had and quite possibly just settled, because you are doing yourself NO FAVORS in creating someone who does not fit your ideal mold.

Here is my list:
SPIRITUAL

1. Preferably not catholic... grew up Catholic, not particularly a fan

2. Spiritual, but not religious

3. Family is not religious
4. Preferably not of Islamic faith

PHYSICAL

1. Tall (6'0 or taller)

2. Kissable lips

3. In shape, but not bulky or muscly

4. Facial Hair

EMOTIONAL

1. Communication

2. Not afraid to write me sweet things..I love me a love letter

3. Wants kids and expresses excitement about it

4. Loves his famiy
5. Likes to laugh

INTELLECTUAL

1. Preferably on the liberal side of politics

2. Graduated college
3. Wants to travel

FINANCIAL

1. Saver, because I'm a spender.

2. Wants to invest in a house
3. Doesn't mind treating me
4. Has a solid job to do all these things.

So, I could possibly compromise some of these things, but this serves as a great outline to back up my 5MUST HAVES.

Patti is a firm believer in manifestation and " in order to manifest your dream guy" she has a specific recipe for us to follow and that consists of:::::

1. Get HAPPY- before you begin your manifestation process, DO WHATEVER IT TAKES to be happy. Whether it be eat chocolate, playing with puppies, taking a long bubble bath or watching a movie.... do it.

NOTE::: It is CRUCIAL this step is completed because

" HAPPINESS IS THE FUEL that will take you to where you want to go."

2. VISUALIZATION- Close your eyes, for 30 seconds (ish) and visualize what your want your particular desire to play out.

We are the AUTHORS, DIRECTORS AND ACTORS in the movie in our mind. Therefore if we want something to happen, we have to imagine it happening and the more we

"visualize how we want our lives to be, from A HAPPY PLACE,
the quicker it will happen."

3. "Now let go of the scene, but come back to it anytime you want and add more details to it."

This is kind of a trick.

Because Patti states that the more we practice this exercise and the more we become satisfied with the visualization, the less we will focus on it actually happening... and this is important because...

the UNIVERSE WILL ONLY REWARD YOU WHEN YOU ARE
IN A PLACE OF DESIRING WITHOUT KEEPING SCORE...

Patti says that anticipation is the funnest part in finding your perfect mate and the more you get caught up in enjoying the idea of him the less you will focus on finding him and then, out of no where, when we least expect it.... there he will be....

cute.
tall.
sexy.
sweet.
funny.
smart.

....You'll turn around, look him in the eye, smile, and just know. And wonder of wonders, SO WILL HE!

I want to talk about "THE LIST"

I want to talk about this "LIST" a little more.....

I gave it some thought and, of course its always a little easier in hindsight, but man I put up with a lot of same bull shit from 3 different guys. How does that happen? How do I go from one relationship that didn't work, probably because of the not-so-good traits on his end *And my end* to another relationship where the guy reflects the same damn traits? Am I stupid? Yes.

I have thought about this in depth, and I had been doing it all wrong, and Patti even gives me a way to prevent relationships like this from happening... but I wasn't dating "my type." I thought I was, because hey, they were half way good looking, sweet to me, a couple of them had 'edge' and well, they made me happy ahem...oxytocin... But none of them had what Patti says are the "FIVE TRAITS you will not sacrifice for" and these are five things you look for in a guy that you will not sacrifice and should not sacrifice (this part comes a little later in the book, but what the heck, we'll skip around.)

She says for me to write 5 "must haves" on a little notecard, laminate it and place it in my purse or wallet. In doing this, it will prevent me from falling for a guy based off their cuteness, sweetness or edginess (is that a word?)... point being, I will be reminded of WHAT I NEED AND WANT and no one can take that away from me... INCLUDING MYSELF.

So if I had to make a list of 5 MUST-HAVES ... which is slightly broad, and he will probably only meet 3/5... it would be the following::::

1. Family man

2. Educated

3. Motivated to succeed

4. Good personality

5. Tall? ..I'm 5'10 so I would like a taller guy.

SO- do you see the contradiction? All of my 5 MUST HAVES kind of fall under the 5 DONT HAVES of the past BF's... so not cool. I don't understand.. I really thought I knew what I was doing in dating those fellows, but really, I was cheating myself and that is so not cool or fair to me.

Part of my detoxing is taking care of myself, and this is something I WANT to stress to YOU. Take care of yourself friend. Don't settle for less. Make a list- of the five things you want and need and go get them. If you are just a little like me, you DESERVE the best.... you deserve what you want and need and that is that. I know it sounds sugary and sweet, but more than likely there is a guy out there for each of us who can give us 3/5 things we need you just have TO BELIEVE IT. Not gonna lie, it's hard to believe, like I've explained to you before I have hard time holding on to HOPE, but let me ask you this,

Would you rather have the feeling of not getting what you want or need or have the feeling of Hope..the feeling that your future is up to YOU you just have to embrace it...

I once had that feeling of not getting what I wanted or needed... multiple times, and it sucks. So no more! I will not put up with laziness, hostility towards my family, hostility toward his family, lack of motivation to succeed, or pessimism... NO MORE. And I'm talking to you too....

You should not put up with things just because you think that good guys don't exist, because they do, you should not be sitting home on date night by yourself if you have a boyfriend because he should be taking you out and if he's not, shame on him, and DO NOT, ABSOLUTELY DO NOT give up on YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS, because in doing that you lose who you ARE and you have to take care of yourself.... you have to LOVE YOURSELF for anyone to love you.


-Dedicated to my friends.

The "LIST"...

of past boyfriends...
This is sort of unpleasant to look back and reflect on past relationships BUT if Patti tells me to do it, I'm doing it. Basically what I have created is a pro-con list of my past 3 serious boyfriends, she says 5, but my dating life has been very limited...But anyway...
here we go. ...

Boyfriend #1-Dated Junior year in high school- dated 8 months

Good Qualities:

1. Made me laugh
2. Listened/ Friend
3. Was sensitive
4. Accepted me for me
5. Wrote me sweet Love notes

Not so Good Qualities:

1. Lifestyle choices were not similar to mine
2. Immature
3. Trust issues
4. Did not particularly like my mom
5. Was not interested in his family
   

Boyfriend #2- Dated Senior Year in high school into freshmen year in college- dated ~9 months

Good Qualities:

1. Laid Back
2. Genuine
3. Sincere
4. Secure
5. Dependable

Not so Good Qualities:

1. Too serious/Boring really...
2. Relied on daddy's pocketbook too much
3. Not emotional
4. Trust issues
5. Did not reach out to my family
   

Edmund- Dated Sophomore year in College for 2 years solid- 1 year of fuckin around.

Good Qualities:

1. Listened to me/ Patient
2. Laid back
3. Accepted me for me
4. Challenged and encouraged me to succeed at whatever I wanted
5. Trusted me

Not so Good Qualities:

1. Lifestyle choices were not similar to mine
2. "Peter Pan" - Did not want to grow up
3. Did not reach out to my family
4. Was not a family guy
5. Unhappy with himself

Yeah, this list revealed a lot to me after writing it too. I am a family girl and have not ever dated a family guy... and that bothers me. Also, I am a very motivated person but for some reason pessimism attracts me? That's sad. I mean, I can remember when Edmund and I first started dating we based everything off cynicism and pessimism...I guess there's no where to go but forward, but wow, it did not make for a healthy start. Also, I will say that boys I have dated have tended to be or become my "Best Friends"... which is an understatement since I do not speak to any of these gentlemen currently. That's why they tend to listen and be patient because I've lost friends in the past due to some relationships BUT my dearest friends have stuck by my side and for that I am appreciate. I do think your mate should be your best friend, but not your only friend. It's kind of hard to look at the mistakes I've made in my choices of fellows, over and over and over... it's frustrating that I have done this. Patti does offer some kind advice to prevent this from happening later on, so I will keep you posted....

Maybe you should try making a list of your past 3-5 boyfriends, kind of measuring them with what Patti likes to call "BEST" traits and "WORST" traits and see what you see... you may surprise yourself....

Positive Patti

Since starting this blog I have found that it keeps me quite accountable, which I love! I don't know who reads this, besides my mom and best friends, but I pretend that sometimes at the end of the day I have to report to Patti, and in doing that I don't want to do anything that would disappoint her... so everyday I try to do positive things that will help myself grow as a person.

First I want to share with you a confession- and this is something I think about that is not positive, but I have to tell you, because it drives me crazy ... on a daily basis, and that is-

I am constantly wishing Edmund would call, write or walk into my life.

OK, sounds hopelessly sad, it does... and I was telling this to an older and much wiser friend of mine today and she says,

"That is OK... that thought will fade, and even if it doesn't and he somehow manages to come back in your life I hope you will realize that you have grown and that you are more deserving than the way he treats you."

Definitely makes sense. So whenever I think that little thought I WILL follow it with what I deserve and that is.

A man who treats me well, who will love me for me and will want to be with me through Hell and High Water...that is that- no sacrificing anymore.

And I know I will find it because there is no looking back in the past and no being bitter as Patti would say, because there are great guys out there... and HEY, there were plenty of cute guys in the grocery store this evening... so maybe I'll just have to go "shopping" more often. Although next time I should probably fix my hair.


ANYWAY, with these thoughts I have done several positive things today that have helped turned my frown upside down and that includes the following:

1. Ate healthy today.
   
2. Helped my mother move storage *I like to call it "lifting"*
3. STARTED 5K training- ran 3 miles with my bestie... and wow, my legs hurt, but they feel sooo good!! http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_4/142.shtml

So as my much wiser friend helped me realize, I am going to grow as an individual and how I do that is totally up to me, and with the help of Patti, I know I will become the great person that is being covered up by a slight broken heart.

WHAT WILL YOU DO TO BECOME THE BEST YOU?

The Bitter Woman- DATING DETOX advice

While we are detoxing we need to be aware of something, and that is going to be that we have some, if not a lot of unresolved issues with men. Patti is very upfront in telling us that we all have them but it is critical that we say, "I forgive all the men who came before; I start with me!" She claims that forgiveness lightens ones load and "one of the most important keys to dating success lies in not becoming The Bitter Woman." We cannot spend time dwelling on all the past Bad Boyfriends and we must look forward to "all the wonderful experiences we are going to have with men in the future."

I realize that I cannot just wake up one morning and say, "OK, the past is the past, I'm going to be a happy person!" Trust me, I try it everyday... but it's so very hard to let the past go. What I try to do is instead of focusing on the past, and all the bad things that may have happened, I try to look forward to the present and the future by trying to find and do things that make me happy... what makes you happy?

IMPORTANT NOTE:::
SO IMPORTANT- You must accept the fact that you're NEVER, EVER, EVER going to change them. Just drill this in your head NOW, know that even if you try to change them, even if its for the better, it will not happen...k? k.