5 Non-Negotiables

If you watch Patti's show, you know that she often has her clients come up with a list of 5-Non negotiables. These are 5 traits that that person will not compromise on. On this note, I feel like this is something all women need to do. Come up with a list of 5 things.... just 5.... that you want your potential mate to have.

I find that so many of my friends don't know what they want/don't know what they're looking for, thus leading them in every direction... dating guys who don't understand them, who don't respect them or treat them right.

We're never going to find what we're looking for unless we know what it's supposed to look like, right? We wouldn't go on a road trip without a map...

That's why this list is so important.

You have to be able to visualize your potential mate, to know
what you're looking for.

I can't make anyone do this, obviously, BUT since I've made my List, it has made the searching much easier and a little more laid back. Why you may ask? Because if a guy I meet doesnt meet at least 4 of the Non-negotiables I have created for myself, he is not worth my time... leaving me time and giving me the opportunity to move on- because if I would have compromised, it probably wouldnt have been worth it... been. there. done. that. friends.

So,

I have described to you my LIST prior, but lets take a look at it again...

1. Family man
2. Educated
3. Motivated to succeed
4. Good personality
5. Tall? ..I'm 5'10 so I would like a taller guy

These are broad, and I think that's ok. Everyone's list will vary because everyone's wants and needs are different. If you go forward with this, do me a favor... BE HONEST. Don't cheat yourself out of something you might consider a non-negotiable because you think its ridiculous or doesn't exist. BECAUSE. IT. DOES.

A friend of mine is a vegan, and she refuses to get serious with anyone who is not a vegan. I respect that. If something means that much to you, you want your potential mate to feel the same way. And for the record, if my friend and I are ever out together minglin' with the hotties, I make sure to ask every guy I meet if they're vegan... because if they are, I deault them to her, because I. LOVE. CHICKEN. AND STEAK.

Point being, you have to make a list- broad, or detailed, of 5-things- you NEED. And never COMPROMISE, because you think you can change him..... or maybe 'he'll come around' ... because it won't happen.

Save yourself the frustration and just find someone

who meets your criteria, not someone you wish did.

I promise it will be worth it.

...THING 3!

We may have a problem...
Remember oh Boy from Thing 1 a week ago... well, Thing 2 took place Friday- we'll discuss that briefly... and NOW much to my dismay, Thing 3 is already lined up and ... well,... it's whatever really...

OK,
Brief overview.
Thing 1- Overall good. Movie, wine, laughs, conversation... no big deal.
Thing 2- We hung out, played beer pong/wine pong... made our way to the bars to hang with friends, he got SUPER drunk, to the point of not being able to talk, and I was just a bit embarrassed for him- BUT the wager we had for our game is that loser takes winner to sushi and wine. I lost. Thus leading to...

Thing 3- ... which is set for Friday. Sushi and Wine. Hm.

I wish I was interested in this fella. But truthfully after he got shit-faced on Friday and THEN on Saturday I ran into him at the bars and he had his arm around some chick, I was like,

"Really?... I'm dressed as a slutty cat on Halloween and you have your arm around her? She's not even dressed up... who wants to be that person? I don't think so, sir."

I'm going to go ahead and go get sushi with him not out of pity, but because he's a nice guy, and I will have to see him regularly since he runs in the same group I hang with. AND more importantly, as PATTI suggests that...

you have to leave good impressions with everyone you go out with. You may not like him, but they may have a really awesome friend who they think would be great for you.

And you want them to have nothing but good things to say about you.!

"So, if you're really going to do this thing called dating, you better make it fun. You better find a way to get at least something satisfying out of every date you endure, so in the end you can feel grateful for the universe for providing you with a new opportunity, rather than pissed that you just wasted six hours of your life that you will never get back..."

-PATTI

And for the record, if he doesn't pay for dinner... even though I lost the bet

... he's not man enough for me.

CHEERS friends.

Mirror, Mirror... take two...

Over the past few months, lets be honest, I've let myself go... I don't know why, and I don't know how it happened (LIE! I do...) BUT it needs to stop. PATTI SAYS, I have to have "fuckability factor" and believe it or not... what is on the outside.does.count... :) Anyway...my friends might still tell me I look good, and I might feel good inside, but I know better when I go to karaoke and I'm out of breath after singing T.I. "Whatever You Like" So- here's the game plan...

1. Record what I eat- daily. Possibly even do Weight Watchers... but not officially yet, because I'm b-roke.
2. WORK OUT- here's where my problem lies. When I'm not active, my weight creeps up on me like a silent Little snake... I need to pick up the activity in my life.
3. That's. it.

If I eat less, and workout more, I should be golden!

AND OH! I became a blonde over the weekend...I like instant confidence! And I'll definitely keep ya updated on whether or not they have more fun :)

...Thing 2

T.G.I.F (first of all)- it has been one of those weeks... a great one, but disguised under the sleep deprivation, bad eating habits and long hours at work. Needless to say, it's Friday, so no more complaining from this girl!

Alright, alright... remember Oh Boy who I had a "thing" with on Tuesday? Well, "thing 2" is tonight.


Lets back track...

Tuesday ended on a pretty positive note with him saying...

"We'll talk later"

I'll take that. As Wednesday came and went, I had heard nothing from him- buuuut if you've learned anything I'm stubborn. I did not call him/ text him... because a. I don't do that... and there's no b.- I simply. don't. text. guys. after. dates.


Here's the deal...


I want one who will chase me, and if I set the precedent that I will chase him and do all the work in the beginning, that's how it will be if we go forward into a relationship. Point. blank. friends. I've been there, don't that, and I will reciprocate effort in a relationship, but I wont carry it on my back- it's tiring.


And also- there should be no communication with the guy until he has time to think about what just happened... see, guys need time to process the experience, the ... "thing" or the date... maybe to distinguish if it was a thing or a date... whatever, they just need time to process it. That's why you leave it up to him to contact you- because if you call him and distract him, he will not be able to see the great person he just had a great thing or date with :)

Gah.... I just want to share so much of Patti's advice with you- it's hard to stay on track, but this is very similar to how my mind works- so scattered.

Anyway...


Thursday came... as I was telling a girlfriend at work about my "thing" on Tuesday she asked if he had contacted me, and I said

"It's only been 2 days girl, if he doesn't call me by tomorrow, we can worry."

NOT 2 minutes later, he texted me. I love moments like this. This fellow and I have a running talk smack game going. I beat him at a game 2 weekends ago and since then, he posed a re-match and we have spent last week getting each other going as far as challenging each other to a re-match. So as I get a message that says,

"There can only be one champion. Prepare to be vanquished"

I got excited. We nonchalantly lined up "thing 2" for tonight- consisting of watching The League, pre-drinking some hot and hard cider, and then a friendly little re-match of beer pong. I may dress up in my Ke$ha costume- would that be too much? I don't think so.

"A man is like a cat; chase him and he will run - Sit still and ignore him and he'll come purring at your feet”

I love this quote, for three reasons:

1. I love cats.

2. I love men.

3. There is nothing but truth in this statement.

As Patti says

"In this man market, with so much competition from other beautiful women, YOU
want to be a mystery, and let him be intrigued by you."

Have I mentioned that I love her? She speaks the truth, and I know this from practice, and from mistake...

Let me tell you a story- I'm hoping you have a minute...

Once upon a time I was asked out by a nice gentlemen who I was introduced
to through a friend who I met and hung out with on a couple occasions at the
bar. Nothing exclusive, until... we exchanged phone numbers, he texted me, even
called me, and then asked me out on a date- for Tuesday night- I know, Tuesday
is NOT Saturday, but Tuesday is also my only weekday night free... so, I let a
weekday date slide for date one... anyway... We meet there, we have good
conversation, we devour some delicious sushi.. it goes well in my opinion... but
as the night comes to an end, he walks me to my house- we live in walking
distance of each other and of the restaurant. As he drops me off, he hugs me and
says,

"Well, call me sometime this week if you want to hang out over the
weekend..."

annnnd, much to my dismay I said

"OK."

(OK?!?!?! WHO AM I??) If I
have learned anything from Patti that is,

LET HIM CALL YOU!

This is not a hard concept.

Take notes--

As women, the phone can be are best friend or our worst enemy.

Women tend to use the phone to chat all day about ...well, nothing. We talk about our breakfast, our work day, how we feel, what we're doing later, who said something rude to us... the list goes on.

Men use the phone to talk about... business. Simple.

He or she that calls most has the most interest, and least control. Let me tell you a secret... I LOVE having control. Won't lie. I want the ball in my court at.all.times. and to do this, I will not call a guy more than he calls me, and that is that. I don't care how much I like him... if I like a boy more than he likes me, I have no control, and I might be seen as needy and demanding, and ONLY my sister is allowed to see that side of me- got it?

When a guy does call you, remember the "allure of again" as one of my best guy friends dubs it... only give him 15 minutes on the phone and then give him an upbeat excuse on why you have to get off.. and do not say you have to watch Jersey Shore. Make something up, for real.

Alright- the basics, we're not calling guys, they're calling us- right?

Let them chase you... it will be worth it!

In my experience I shared with you above, I should have kindly told him that...

"I'm a traditional girl- I prefer you to call me."

Instead, I spent 2 days wondering if I should call him... and in the end he texted me- we hung out again, had a good time, but that was 2 weeks ago.

I've saved myself some trouble and heartache on wondering if he likes me or not and have come to the simple conclusion that

He's just not that into me if he's not calling me...

NEXT PLEASE!

My thing...

So, I had a "thing" the other day... when I say a thing... let me explain.

I'm not sure how it happened, but after a few endless jabs about how I beat a guy friend of mine at beer pong, we started talking/texting/exchanging friendly flirtatous comments on facebook. I'm not sure where our 'friendship' of sorts took a turn, but when he asked me to help him heckle our mutual friend at the new restaurant where he is a waitor, I said

"Only if I can order like Sally, on When Harry Met Sally"

... much to my surprise (not really) he had not seen the movie. So I suggested a movie night,

"I'll bring snacks"

I said... and he replied back with,

"I'll bring the wine."

Couldn't argue with that.

Thus leading us to my Tuesday night thing.

I told my closest guy friend about this and he says "A thing? ... let me say this, if it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck... then, what do you think it is?"

Whatever this was, the night went well. With 4 glasses of wine under my belt, some great hors d'oeuvres, a fantastic movie and not terrible company, I left with him saying

"We'll talk later."

Leaving me still at a loss on whether this was just a thing, or if it was in fact, a date.

Which poses a new challenge... is it my call, or his??

Here we go...

I understand, it has been quite a while since I've dropped in, but in honor of Patti's new New York season, I thought I'd drop a line and say hi... "HIIII"


Since we last talked, a lot of things have gone on in my life that I can not even begin to catch you up on... let's just say, I've back tracked a bit from Patti, and in the lesson's I've learned, I've decided I'm ready to Practice again.

I'm ready to take care of myself.

I'm ready to have fun, without being "that girl."

I'm ready to date.

I'm ready to get out of my comfort zone.

I'm ready to get rejected.

I'm ready to laugh,

I'm ready to live and...

I'm ready to love.

So, let's try this again. And this time around I'm sharing my stories, and I'm giving a gallant effort, because ladies and gents, I'm ready.... I think.