2. Step III- Making your Matchmaking Map!

In creating your Own Matchmaking Map, you have to have options!

When I read this Step, I was slightly overwhelmed and a little nervous about the great ways Patti suggests to meet eligible singles. I was also excited! Patti always makes things sound super fun and easy… that’s probably a matter of perspective,

but I trust Patti wholly and completely and I just know she would never steer me wrong!

In saying this, Patti gives us three ways in that we can potentially find Mr. Right and those three endeavors include the following:

Online
Personal Contacts
Out and About

I'm not going to spend too much time talking about each of these, but I do want to hit some of the hot topics that Patti discusses within along with some tactics I have personally used.

You do have a pen, right?

Are you....

Leaving bitter feelings behind…

Learning from past mistakes…

Finding happiness within…

Feeling good from the inside will reflect the outside and in that are you taking care of yourselves emotionally and physically…

Ready to Love again?

I know I am, and I hope you are too… and If so, we're moving full force ahead to STEP III and that is creating your Own Matchmaking Map. Before we do that I have a few things to share...

This happens to be a very important step, so get that
purse size notebook out and a pen and get ready…

Finding the perfect man is somewhat similar to finding your perfect house- and this analogy will come in handy a bit later for sure, but for now- the three most important factors in finding your perfect match are a lot like the three important factors in finding your dream house: LOCATION, LOCATION, and LOCATION! Like knowing where you want to live and where would be best for you, in finding the man of our dreams, we have to know where to find him.

Patti shares a few statistics, and since I’m not a huge fan of numbers, I’m only going to skim them over for you… (All of these stats are based on the singles population only)

There are about 6% more single women than men.

There are approximately 25.4 million single guys in the U.S.

between the ages of 25-40.

The cities with at least 40,000 more single women than single men are:

New York/northern New Jersey, Memphis, Atlanta, Philadelphia and Washington D.C.

The New York/northern New Jersey area has about

185,000 more single women than single men.

Patti does not hesitate to tell us that if Love is not working for us where we are currently living that relocating is not a terrible idea. As desperate as it may sound she says that if you were made to transfer for your job, you would do it, so why not transfer somewhere to find true love… which is more satisfying than any job any of us will ever have.

It defniitely puts Finding Mr. Right in perspective... and I find myself wondering...

What is LOVE WORTH?

1. A LiTTle Secret about Dating Detox

I’m really good at keeping secrets, but sometimes secrets have to be told to help other people… i.e. YOU, my readers. So, in saying this, there are two things I have yet to tell you about my Dating Detox experience. Now, don’t get too excited or nervous, I have yet to do anything to compromise my fellowship to Patti, but I did almost fall victim to one of Patti’s notes about Dating Detox and that is,

“Do not settle for the first guy you meet out of Dating Detox…”

Of course, there is always an exception, but Patti looks at dating like trying on shoes for a wedding…

You can’t settle for the pair that’s a little too small, and rubs your ankle wrong, or the pair that’s just a shade too light but you don’t think anyone will notice because the weddings at night or the pair that has a real big flower on it but the shoe itself is the perfect color…

At the end of the night, the shoe that might have been discounted was probably marked down for a reason and even if it was a thrifty purchase, the color was wrong, and the flower was awful and the small shoe rubbed a blister the size of Texas on the back of your foot… and it hurt.

We all have done this, whether it was a shoe, or a guy…

and ultimately the shoe or the guy didn’t work out because it wasn’t exactly what we needed and we suffered through the night because we didn’t have the patience or the time to find exactly what were looking for

… And we more than likely paid the price.

In saying this, you might have seen an absence in entries there for a bit in April and I'm sorry. I feel extremely accountable to you all, and I felt terrible I was leaving you out of my life... but I was slightly embarrassed... And that was because I was consumed by a gentleman whom I reconnected with after several months of detoxing and we began dating. I should have followed my gut,

AKA Patti sitting on my shoulder telling me that this was not the best idea, that just because he was the first “marriage minded” guy that I have met, does NOT mean I have to just throw in the towel

… I should have known better… I should have come to you all…

Well we started dating exclusively and it was great... I suppose… he met my family, I met his, we hung out with his friends, he cooked me dinner, I cooked him dinner… it was a great courtship… but there was something missing……..

I started freaking out. LIKE FREAKING OUT. I was like,

“I can’t do this, I can’t be a girlfriend, and I can’t love or be loved….”

It was super scary… but then I realized…. It wasn’t him, or me… it just wasn’t the perfect fit… and that’s OK.

We ended badly, because I led him on and I feel terrible about that. Ultimately it was better to end it sooner than later… because I found out that my foot can not fit into a size 9 shoe and that is that… and in realizing that I feel like it was a small victory, but in battle someone has to get hurt… it just wasn’t me this time.

Coming soon...

1. A LiTTle Secret about Dating Detox
2. Step III- Making your Matchmaking Map!
3. Dating 1o1
4. How it happened

I thought I would let you know that I am planning on updating you all, my readers, on my everystep... good or bad, sad or happy in my dating Adventures.

If you have questions, ask.

If you have comments, share.

GREEN LIGHT

THE DATE WENT... like this...

We grabbed Sushi at a local Japanese grill.
We talked about ....

Everything... (BUT the off-limit topics for a first date, according to Patti).

He encompasses the following of my top 5 MUST-HAVES:

1. Tall


2. Good sense of fhumor


3. Family Man


4. Has a steady job

He made me smile... and laugh. I enjoyed that.
We took a walk after dinner.
He held my hand. That was great.

He kissed me goodnight.

...GREAT.

IMPORTANT::::: I used Patti's "Pay it Forward" technique. I will share more later.

The Ten Commandments of Dating

THOU SHALT....

Return calls promptly.
Honor thy dating commitments.
Let the man take the lead.
(In the beginning) leave the past in the past.
Be engaging.
Not drink too much on a date.
Not be a gold digger.
Act like a lady.
Express sincere interest and appreciation.
Not become intimate in the first date.
Not wear too much bling.

P.S. I have a date tonight.

Frustration.

I find myself asking,

WHAT WOULD PATTI DO?

all the time.

I wish I knew.

My TRANSFORMATION

For those of you who don’t know me well, you don’t know me…
But for those of you who do, I hope you have seen some sort of transformation over the past few months, because I sure have. I mean sometimes I catch myself looking in the mirror or doing things and I think, “Who are you?” and as weird as that sounds, I LOVE it!

So in going through Patti’s List of looking ourselves up and down I have taken the following actions- all positive and reinforcing.

HAIR- You can call me Rogue.

I am now a brunette.
I was a redhead for the past year or two (ish) and even before Patti suggested against it, I realized red was doing nothing for me, so, there it went with a box and a night of vomiting in the shower, yeah… terrible experience.
I also have a slight blonde highlight in the front which I like call my superhero edge… it brings out the inner blonde in me… which I now realize why they say blondes have more fun.
And Im letting it grow out as much as I want to cut it off SO- HAIR, check!

LIPS- Pouty and Plump

I have packed my cosmetic pouch in my purse up with 2-3 different colors of lip gloss and I always apply it… it cant hurt.
I wear pinks and nudes because my skin is fair, and my lips are large.

MAKEUP- Still learning…

I like to wear makeup, but Im still learning on how to apply it so I still need to take advice and get my bum to the mall.
I go for the natural look- powder, gloss, bronzer, eyeliner and mascara… and it does do the trick!

BODY- I like to be naked.

I’ve been “training” for a 5K the past 6 weeks and it has done wonders for my body.
I have a flatter stomach, tighter ass and sweet calves.
I challenged myself to “run” and I did it… which was an accomplishment in itself.
And I understand at one point someone will be seeing me naked and I really do not want to disappoint… it’s not in the cards right now. .. So, I want to undress to impress.
And to no surprise, exercise is better than sex with someone who doesn’t love you…
AND Patti is so right ALL the time… because since I’ve been running I’ve lost a few pounds and the lighter I am the sexier I feel …. And now I’m feeling pretty terrible about those sour cream and cheddar chips I just devoured… gross.

CLOTHES

I have retired a lot of my baggy t-shirts and A-Line skirts for tighter shirts and shorter skirts.
I flaunt what I got and that is that.
My mom also makes me skirts that are very flattering that I absolutely love.

SO in doing all these things I had come to the realization that prior to this self-discovery stage I did not like who I was and at the time was not willing to change because was so used to being that person. But with a little effort and a little will I did the most impressive thing I have ever done for myself and that was…I changed and in that change I improved who I was inside and out and I became someone I have always wanted to be… and to be honest, she’s pretty BA.

Mirror on the wall....

STEP II- MIRROR MIRROR

So- We’re moving on fast- Hold on tight DUDES AND DUDETTES!!

Dating Detox has taken a dramatic end and here we are, travelling forward...

Step II is called “Mirror Mirror” and this step can be done during the Detox stage, and continue afterwards as well. Patti uses the stage to ....

“...tell you all the things you need to hear, things that even your mother, or your sister or your best friend doesn’t have the balls to break to you.”

In this stage of finding who we are, and finding who we want to be with we have to take a good look at ourselves and get in our ideal condition. Because according to Patti *And she “hates” to say it*

“But with men, its all about the packaging—one look is all it takes for them to decide if you’re a keeper, or if you should be tossed back…. This may sound crude, but they’re measuring your fuckability factor… No matter how beautiful we are on the inside, if the outside does not reflect it, you’re going to spend the rest of your days alone….”

And that is directly from Patti.

During Dating Detox I have already done numerous things to improve my fuckability factor… and as the messenger, Patti gives tons of ideas on how to spare us humiliation as she claims to be famous, or infamous for her no-nonsense attitude.

In discussing our look head-to-toe… here are some tips we can all use! ... And I shall share my progress later!

HAIR- “If you think you’re going to get away with short hair, you’re not.”

-Men like long, flowing locks.
-Most men see short hair as “hitting the wall” or her young and sexy days are over.
-Perms are out. Wavy hair is fine, but men don’t want to get

“snagged in scraggly, frizzy, pubic-looking bird’s nest.”

“Red hair is not the freshest produce on the aisle” ...

and Patti says that 90% of the men in her club don’t pick redheads over brunettes and blondes.

TEETH- “You’re smile is your calling card—make sure it’s in perfect working order.”

LIPS- “DON’T leave home without lipstick or lip gloss. Always apply it before you set foot outside, even if it’s a quick little swipe.”

-If your lips are large, avoid bright or dark lipstick shades.
-If they’re small, invest in a good lip plumper.

MAKEUP- “Less is more.”

-Bronzer, and lip gloss.

“Most straight men prefer girls with low maintenance looks- even if it takes an
hour to achieve. Your man loves you to look natural...”

-Don’t “cake on bake on” your foundation.
-A little lipstick or gloss, blush and eyeliner and mascara, will do the trick.
-If you do not know how to apply makeup, make an appointment with a makeup artist or visit Sephora and try the many samples—LOVE doing this!
-DO NOT let a gay man tell you how to be a better woman, he’ll never understand exactly what it’s like to be an attractive female looking for a heterosexual male.

SKIN CARE- “The real secret to great-looking makeup is great-looking skin.”

BODY- “There are breast men, leg men, ass men—even foot men, although they tend to be a little kinky.”

-The perfect body is all about attitude; really… if you love your body, you’re probably in the best shape you could possibly be.
-Exercise and nutrition are the best ways to change the way you look and feel.

"The lighter you feel and weigh, the sexier you feel.”

-Exercise not only makes you look better, but you also feel better- as discussed in Step One.
-You have to find what works for you as far as exercising goes.
- Exercise can be better than a sex…okay, at least better than sex with a guy who
doesn’t love you- and much cleaner and less complicated.

2 NEW FRIENDS- Shapewear and Certain Dri. Look ‘em up, they will help you- Patti says.

SHOP ‘TIL YOU POP

This still goes under STEP II, and I apologize for the length, I just like to be consistent.
In this part of Step II, we get to go on a shopping spree- since we got rid of a lot of clothes during Dating Detox, we can fill our closet up with new clothes! In buying our new dating wardrobe we have to follow a few guidelines…
“Look for clothes that make you feel like the sexy diva you are.”
“Show off your assets... men are drawn to women who are comfortable in their own femininity.”
“ Solid, bright colors are guraunteed guy catchers, BUT NOT big
prints that will distract him.”
“ RED & BLUE will draw them in.. black is chic, but its also boring.”
“Steer clear of baggy and blousy.”

**IMOPRTANT** When you are ready to go shopping- don’t go alone, or with your best friend or your mom or sister… GO SHOPPING with a single, straight man.

This sounds rather strange to me, but I love the idea. So, I will give you some time to catch your breath and we will continue momentarily..

I caught a wave.

So yes, I have been out of commission for quite a while and for that my dear readers I am truly sorry... I really have no excuse, and for those of you who know me, things in my life have just been, kind of weird to say the least. I am finding that I go through the motions of so many things, but I actually don't feel them or appreciate them or even enjoy them sometimes. So I find myself doing things just for the Hell of it and well, I'm done, DONE. I've been riding a wave and it's crashed so Im gonna hop on the next one. But let me fill you in on the little wave I've been on... readers digest version of course.

SO.
I met a guy, and he liked me.
We started dating, but... something was missing...
While this has been happening,
I've been transfered at work and my fellow employees hate me and gossip about every mistake I make.
My mom tends to misunderstand me and our current stance as roommates is pretty disppointing.
My friends are always there.
I faced a few fears...
I tanned in the tanning bed & I visited my college town.
My College Best friend is moving right next door to my Ex-BF and my cat.
I have decided I'm worth MUCH MORE than I give myself credit for.
I stopped running because I was too busy making out, but I'm starting again.
I have 4 weeks until my European adventure.
AND,
I've decided I'm not ready for a realtionship...

Thats been my life in a nutshell... AND thus, I find myself being a re-born again practicer of Patti. So here we go... *again*