Syncing HEARTS & BODIES

Question

"How do I get my gut to feel the same way as my head?"

After several weeks of therapy, which I am not ashamed to say that I go to therapy, my therapists points out that I am becoming aware of the things I need to do in life, it's just a matter of connecting it to my gut feeling. In saying this, I will admit that as optimistic and positive I try to be, my heart still hurts on some occasions. Now it's gotten better, but sometimes, just sometimes, I feel sad inside and I feel like as much as I try to be optimistic, my heart will never feel the same...

What can I do to fill that hole in my heart? Do you know?

Not only does this apply to my situation with Edmund, it applies to a lot of things in life. I find that a lot of times I do things or say things I know that aren't healthy for me, but I do them anyway... why?

Why do I do things that are detrimental to myself?

It is not my goal to make myself feel worse, I want to know that I am trying everyday to feel better, and to self-soothe as my therapist says. I have to do things that make my heart feel good... not worse. I need to do things that make sense, as weird as that sounds... like,

Why would I continue to talk to friends of my ex-boyfriend, OR think sending him a birthday card is a good idea, OR falling into the trap of artificial security?

Hmm..... I still don't know why do I do or think these things? *NOTE I did not send him a birthday card... that would be stupid* BUT when will I wake up and just not want to do or think those stupid things that make my heart hurt? When will it just be OK?...When will my heart and head be in sync?? Grr...

BUT as much as it feels like I'm Alice traveling down the rabbit hole, there is HOPE, there has to be, and for me to see it, Patti is here to save the day... so no need to fret friends, I will be OK, YOU will be OK...