Like a trapeze artist..

I'm “detoxing” currently and it’s not exactly like a day at the spa. Although dating detox has provided some MUCH NEEDED time for me to hone in on myself. My sister tends to call me “self absorbed” and she tends to be right… because right now in my life I have nothing to focus on but myself. All I have is time, time to do whatever the Hell I want… granted I work 40 hours a week so its limited, but really as “self absorbed” as my sister calls me, she is right, because well, I have nothing to grab on to. I have found over the past few weeks that I have not let go of my past because I refuse to hold on to ‘HOPE.’ I am not a very hopeful or faithful person so to put my life in the hands of the universe, which tends to get a bit scary for me. I am kind of a controlling person and like to KNOW what is going on and what is going to happen… and the sad part is, I trick myself into thinking I know how things are going to work out, but really even when I think that things are going to be a certain way, I still have no power over it- its all up to the universe. The universe works in mysterious ways… and as much as I try to hold on to the past, I have to let go and grab onto the future, I have to have HOPE that someday things will be OK and until I let go, I can’t even pretend to reach for the stars.

The problem is, is that there is nothing in the book about this, there is no answer and no suggestion on how to “move on” except I’m not allowed to dwell on the past or the negative. NOTE THIS:::: “Were not dwelling on the past and we’re not dwelling on the negative” Patti says.

And to move on, she suggests three things:
1. Dating yourself
2. Making a list- checking it twice
3. Admiration

We’re going to skip #1 right now, but let’s talk about 2 and 3…

Love Fool

So, I agree with Patti, as stated in a previous post in that I believe music has a lot of impact on your life. I try my best to only play "happy and uplifting" music, but for some reason the radio haunts me. I tend to listen to the radio alot. I have a 30 minutes commute to work there and back so I rely heavily on music to pump me up in the morning and then to excite me in the afternoon. Throughout the day I listen to my iPod which has a lot of "girl power" songs on it and some crappy rap songs. It gets me through my work day and my workouts. BUT back to the radio... SO this morning, on my way to work I heard the following songs- back to back

1. Break Even By the Script
   
2. Need you Now By Lady Antebellum
   
3. Love Fool By The Cardigans
   

Now, take a look at that list- those songs are not what I would call "happy and uplifting" ... what do you think? I pretty much wanted to just call it a day after this little play list played on my way to work. I really don't understand why someone would think it was OK to play all these songs back to back. I have to admit it put me in a bit of a sour/sad mood and all it took was 3 love songs... did I mention I'm slightly sensitive?

Patti loves me yes I know...

It's become a little running joke in my family that like some people quote the bible, I quote Patti. I follow her rules *she even has commandments* and I kind of sort of pray to her in a sense. In saying that, throughout the day sometimes my heart and my head get sidetracked from daily things. I'll hear a song or I'll see a cute couple or sometimes my co-workers distract me... then I'm disliking the one thing that was beneficial in taking me out of the depression I had fallen into prior to having something constructive to do 40 hours of the week. But anyway, when my mind and on occasion, my heart drift away into places that make me feel sad or bad inside I think...

"What would Patti say?"

or it's even gotten to the point that my friend will text me back after I text her a feel sorry for me text and say

"Stop it. Patti would smack you right now!"

So Patti's influence in my life has taken over mentally, that's for sure. I carry her book in my purse with me *you know, like people carry the bible around* and sometimes I'll just feel the need to pull it out and quote her, in or out of context.

"According to Patti.... "
"Patti thinks..."
"Well, Patti would..."

I don't know if Patti and I would get along in real life, but maybe it's kind of like everyone's lost love... if things would have worked out with the one person you will always love, then they probably wouldn't have been the love of your life. In saying that, if Patti and I were really friends I probably wouldn't admire her so much and listen to her and trust her WHOLE-HEARTILY with my love life..... so on that note, what Patti says goes, because her bible told me so.

Positive Patti

Since starting this blog I have found that it keeps me quite accountable, which I love! I don't know who reads this, besides my mom and best friends, but I pretend that sometimes at the end of the day I have to report to Patti, and in doing that I don't want to do anything that would disappoint her... so everyday I try to do positive things that will help myself grow as a person.

First I want to share with you a confession- and this is something I think about that is not positive, but I have to tell you, because it drives me crazy ... on a daily basis, and that is-

I am constantly wishing Edmund would call, write or walk into my life.

OK, sounds hopelessly sad, it does... and I was telling this to an older and much wiser friend of mine today and she says,

"That is OK... that thought will fade, and even if it doesn't and he somehow manages to come back in your life I hope you will realize that you have grown and that you are more deserving than the way he treats you."

Definitely makes sense. So whenever I think that little thought I WILL follow it with what I deserve and that is.

A man who treats me well, who will love me for me and will want to be with me through Hell and High Water...that is that- no sacrificing anymore.

And I know I will find it because there is no looking back in the past and no being bitter as Patti would say, because there are great guys out there... and HEY, there were plenty of cute guys in the grocery store this evening... so maybe I'll just have to go "shopping" more often. Although next time I should probably fix my hair.


ANYWAY, with these thoughts I have done several positive things today that have helped turned my frown upside down and that includes the following:

1. Ate healthy today.
   
2. Helped my mother move storage *I like to call it "lifting"*
3. STARTED 5K training- ran 3 miles with my bestie... and wow, my legs hurt, but they feel sooo good!! http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_4/142.shtml

So as my much wiser friend helped me realize, I am going to grow as an individual and how I do that is totally up to me, and with the help of Patti, I know I will become the great person that is being covered up by a slight broken heart.

WHAT WILL YOU DO TO BECOME THE BEST YOU?

A note on changing

I want to tell you something, and that is I used to be a "changer" of sorts. When Edmund and I dated, I thought I could change him... I loved him for what he was, but I wanted him to be a little bit more than he wanted to be. I wanted him to get off his ass and find a job, I wanted him to want to work and be motivated to be something for himself, and for us, I wanted him to love me so much that he would move to where I moved when I left school instead of staying in his studio apartment. I wanted him to just WANT to do anything he could to make me happy... outside of grilling me the perfect steak and pouring me a glass of cheap wine. I just kept thinking, maybe he would wake up and realize what a great girl he had laying next to him and that maybe he wasn't treating her the way she deserved and he would change... but it never happened. Instead, I stopped trying, he let go and found someone who would be happy with just a steak and a glass of cheap wine. I don't think my expectations were too great, I just wanted to be treated with love and admiration. I wanted him to want me and need me and want to do anything for me... he may have said he would, but as I always told him, actions speak louder than words.

I have to come to the conclusion that YOU can not change someone, but THEY have to choose to change themselves if they so need it.
FOR EXAMPLE:::: In the past I have found that my behavior and my actions that I expressed in my past relationship were sometimes negatively shared and not constructive. I could have expressed my expectations, my wants and needs in more of a positive way instead of blaming Edmund for all of his shortcomings. I should have focused on the great attributes he had to offer me and if they did not out shine the not so shiny attributes, then I may have still ended up breaking up with him, but I should have at least tried constructive criticism and positive reinforcement instead of constant harassment. SO instead of focusing my shortcomings on the past, I can only use it to prosper in future relationships... and this is an example of how I know I need to change, and Edmund couldn't change me until I saw it for myself, which in our situation it was too late for us to salvage what was left of our relationship, so lesson learned for the future :)

SO Here I am, aware that I have a bit of bitter feelings toward my dearest Edmund, but that is in the past. I realize two things:

1. CHANGE is not gonna come unlike what Sam Cooke so kindly sings. How the guy is in the relationship a year in is how he's going to be 3 years in, and possibly 5 years in, but once you get more comfortable the things that bug you in the beginning will inevitable bug you more and more until you "put up with them" and ultimately YOU CHANGE, by sacrificing your wants and needs.

2. I cannot be bitter. Patti will share later on that even if a date is a bust, or things don't work out with Mr. Right now, I can only use it as a lesson. I should try to take positive things from my past relationship instead of holding such resentment and grudge. I cannot and will not be bitter and can and will only look forward to the future with myself and with my next boyfriend. I'm not particularly a Jo Bros fan, but there is a song that is representative of this feeling and I shall share it with you, just don't judge me forever for using a Jo Bro song... It's so embarrassing.

The Bitter Woman- DATING DETOX advice

While we are detoxing we need to be aware of something, and that is going to be that we have some, if not a lot of unresolved issues with men. Patti is very upfront in telling us that we all have them but it is critical that we say, "I forgive all the men who came before; I start with me!" She claims that forgiveness lightens ones load and "one of the most important keys to dating success lies in not becoming The Bitter Woman." We cannot spend time dwelling on all the past Bad Boyfriends and we must look forward to "all the wonderful experiences we are going to have with men in the future."

I realize that I cannot just wake up one morning and say, "OK, the past is the past, I'm going to be a happy person!" Trust me, I try it everyday... but it's so very hard to let the past go. What I try to do is instead of focusing on the past, and all the bad things that may have happened, I try to look forward to the present and the future by trying to find and do things that make me happy... what makes you happy?

IMPORTANT NOTE:::
SO IMPORTANT- You must accept the fact that you're NEVER, EVER, EVER going to change them. Just drill this in your head NOW, know that even if you try to change them, even if its for the better, it will not happen...k? k.

FREE Tanning= MAGICAL CONFIDENCE

I have never tanned before, but wow... wow. Let me first state that I have NEVER tanned before in my life. I am so AFRAID of tanning beds, they remind me of coffins. BUT my best friend had a coupon for a FREE Sunless tanning experience. I will also let you know that I will try anything once, if it's free. This is the same best friend who BOUGHT ME a nose piercing a few years ago, and because it was FREE I was like, "sure, if I don't like it I can just take it out." So, this was just like that... except there was a high chance I was going to look like the girl at the counter which when we walked in my sister text me *who was standing right net to me*, "I don't want to look like her." BUT the point of this is to let you know my FREE Verspa Spa experience was quite magical and very worth it.

I will say that having slight color on my face and body is very uplifting. I feel slightly more confident and a look a little more attractive as I don't think I will glow in the dark anymore. Little things like this make my day bright and put a smile on my face... I wonder what other free things, preferably free... I can stumble upon that can make my day bright...any suggestions?

WHY One GOOd Orgasm spOils the bunch..

I chose this as my title for this blog because this is the introduction to Patti's book. She explains that "every time a heterosexual female sleeps with a man-a good one, a bad one, it doesn't matter- she becomes bonded to that man, and no other man can exist for her." Man, when I read that I thought to myself how RIGHT ON she was. I have only slept with 2 people in my life and 1 of the 2 was purely sex, and this actually did not happen, but the other one, yes with Edmund was right on to this feeling. Women act in such ways because of a hormone called OXYTOCIN which starts to surge through our veins when we have sex with Joe Schmo. So really, the more sex we have with Mr. Schmo, the more chemically bonded we become and reinforces the bond we developed which is WHY you, or me, or your best friend will not leave their loser boyfriends, even though their BRAIN, friends, family and even their mailman are telling them to DUMP HIM.

I have been there, even though the sex stopped way before the relationship was over. And I'm glad there is actually something to blame for the irrational behavior I exhibited for many months. Unfortunately these days I see many of my friends falling into the wrath of oxytocin and there is no pulling them out. What do I do when I know nothing?

But yes, one gOOD Orgasm can very much spOil the bunch as you can find yourself emotionally and physically invested in someone who may not be deserving of the love you have primarily based off the fact that the sex is really good OR at any rate, sex is involved. AND that is why Patti is and advocate of monogamy. No sex until there is a serious relationship... as old fashioned as it sounds, it makes total sense and that is why I love her.

DEGRASSI Diet- Day 3

My sister is in town for spring break. She is a sophomore in college and goes to school out of state so I only get to see her about 5 months of the year. While we're together we usually banter back in forth, I try to keep up with her wit, we try not to kill each other and then she drags me to the gym. I hate running, it's kind of a joke watching me try to run... but I do it anyway. We went to the gym today for an hour. We sat in the sauna, some rude bitch told me to turn my music down and I was like "shut the fuck up" .. no, I kid. I said "my apologies" I'm way too nice. But we sat in the sauna, I hope I sweat out all my toxins- I think that's the right term? Then I jumped on the treadmill. Patti gave me a good idea and that was to designate a t.v. show or movie to watch ONLY when I workout, and so I'm calling it the "Degrassi Diet" I'm starting Degrassi *the 80s sitcom* from the beginning and only watching the episodes when I workout. It has proved to keep me entertained and made my workout go by much faster. Did I mention I hate working out? But I do it anyway. Last night, after a late dinner I went for a brief 30 minute walk with my little fluffy dog. I jammed to my music and people watched... it was a great way to end the night.

"LIKE attracts LIKE"

So I'm detoxing, and in doing this Patti suggests many things for me to do to forget my troubles. First of all she is very serious about one being happy with themselves prior to sharing their love with someone else. "The truth behind the law of attraction is that "like attract likes" SO when it comes down to it, the happier you are, the happier your mate will be. As soon as I can learn to embrace myself rather than "languish in miserable isolation I will soon be free of that ugly and burdensome feeling known as desperation" SO TRUE. I had really been feeling desperate. I had dated several guys in the past few months after Edmund and I stopped talking and I would have killed to have felt something for any one them...but I didn't. I joked that you could have put a naked Brad Pitt in front of me and I would have shrugged and said "naw, too much baggage."


Patti asks a crucial question and that is, "Are you a happy person?" I can honestly tell you, I would not classify myself as a happy person FOR THE SOLE reason that I am not with someone. In my therapy I have discovered that I have been relying so much on someone else to make me happy over the years that I have put my own self-worth on the back burner and truly do not know what makes me happy. WOW, to realize that was critical in my self-discovery. While I'm putting it all out there, I think my constant need to be with someone stems from my insecurity my dad left me with when he unexpectedly died when I was 12. I will blame him. Its easier that way because he can't talk back... and in this process of finding what makes me happy, I'm also trying to find the things that can help me, overtime fill the emptiness I have in my heart that I have been left with overtime. I CANNOT RELY ON SOMEONE else to fill that hole, and that has been my biggest mistake...

Patti points this out exactly. She says that a lot of women are weighed down from issues in the past *exactly* and NOW is the time to tackle my demons head-on and get over them. AH, let me point out how I hate the term, "get over it" ...really? It's never that easy to just get over it. But anyway she explains that a lot of women spend so much time taking care of the people around them that they don't even know what it takes to please themselves.... is that you? It's me.

I had a bit of trouble coming up with things that made me happy. And she thought I might as she presents a list of life's simple pleasures that are quick happiness fixes. Granted these are temporary, but they are quick and they work. There is no limit on ways to make yourself happy, but I have practiced and implemented the following into my life:

1. Get lost in your favorite book- ahem...I read Patti's book every night before I go to bed. And take it to work in case I have a slow day.

2. I love to take bubble baths.

3. I work with animals, and she suggests that holding or petting an animal can be relaxing so I have that privilege on a daily basis.

4. Pick up an old hobby.. I like to knit, but haven't found the time, so I picked up the computer to start a blog instead. This is my new hobby- Practicing Patti...

5. I'm going to start gardening when the weather gets nicer. I would love to live off the land.

6. Happy music- this one was the first thing I did!! I bought myself an Ipod when I got my full-time job, and the first thing I did was load it up with terrible sad songs like " Sleeping with a broken Heart" by Alicia Keys "I Need you Now" by Lady Antebellum and " Break Even" by The Script.... wow, those brought me down on a daily basis, so I took those off and replaced them with songs like "Survivor" by Destinys Child "Believe" by Cher and " She's not Me" by Madonna, just to name a few. I am also a fan of rap music, so I have "Whatever you like" by T.I. on there as well, which is a daily reminder of how I deserve the things I want in life. Anyway.... YOU NEED TO DO THIS. I cannot tell you how much music controls the way you feel. I have a 30 minute commute to work there and back and in that time I try my best to think of things that are positive and upbeat and depressing songs do not help... so take those Alanis Morissette songs off your Ipod, as Patti said, because longing for lost loves is not gonna get you far.

7. I am a member of Weight Watchers. I love weight watchers and believe in it fully. I lost a max of 22lbs a few years ago, and I gained a bit of it back when I was going through some life changes, but at the moment I'm about 10lbs away from my goal weight and I JUST KNOW I CAN DO IT. In this, I try to workout 2-3 times a week. I go to the gym, or walk my dogs... anything to keep me moving. I find that jogging is a great escape. But exercising has to be something you enjoy... so don't go to the gym and hop on the treadmill if it's going to kill ya, because then you wont want to go back.

In doing these 7 simple things I have already seen a shift in my own self-worth. I have surrounded myself with positive things that pretty much circle around me, and me only. Which is what dating detox is all about. You don't have to do the things I have done, but make sure the quick happy fixes you choose are healthy, positive and self-fulfilling in that they aide you in finding your inner happiness. It is also crucial to know how to please yourself because in the next part of this journey, you will have to be aware of how to please yourself, so you can teach others how to please you.

"So here..we.... go..." STEP ONE- Dating Detox

"Recovering from a bad relationship? Been on a series of bad disaster dates? Are you a one-date wonder? Just got dumped? Haven't been on a date in weeks, months, or years? Maybe you're a serial date who can't make a relationship last more than two months?" ALRIGHT, if you fall into any of these categories *and what single woman doesn't?* Patti suggests that the first step that you have to go through is called DATING DETOX.

This step is critical in succeeding in all the other steps... and lets not call this a "step process" because that sounds terribly self-helpish and that turns me off. Lets call it my *our* dating journey and in this journey, dating detox is my *our* time. It is exactly what it says... I am not going to date. This might be my favorite step because it is solely about ME. "It's not about men, not about friends, or family, it's not about anyone else- you purely focus on pleasing yourself."

In this step I am merely a caterpillar in my cocoon morphing into a beautiful sexy, irresistible butterfly... ok, slightly corny, but slightly true. I am taking time to figure out what MAKES ME HAPPY. And to do this, the time will vary based off how long my *our* previous relationship was soo..

1 year: 30 days of detox
2 years: 60 days of detox
3 years: 90 days of detox

I started this book in the beginning of March and am giving myself until May to even start to think about dating again. As I have tried dating the past few months and it was just awful. She is right, as I have tried dating it has done nothing for me but hinder my confidence and make me realize how not ready I was to move on... all in the while I was stringing guys on, which is never cool. So thus began my journey of self-improvement and self-fulfillment OR "STEP ONE."

The Past is the Past

I realized that I left a lot of details out of my previous post, and its OK, because I want to tell you that the past is the past... Edmund is behind me, and whoever your Edmund is, he needs to be behind you too. Details get lost in memories and memories get skewed, and that is that. We all do it. And lets get one thing straight, I am not here to blame anyone. I am going to try my best to very rarely discuss Edmund, especially since we are no longer in each others lives. So, its a moot subject. Actually, this blog will have very little to do with him, and everything to do with ME. This is my soul searching experience and I can only thank him for giving me the chance to find it.

Ok, a little bit about me... but not alot...

Some of you may know me, and some of you may not... and that's OK- actually I hope you don't know me, it will make this much more fun that way.

So the basis of what led me here starts three years ago. I was a sophomore in college, just livin' the life. I was going to school, partying it up, just doing things that I wanted. In this process I met a guy, fell in love and I mean, when I say fell in love, I fell in love. It was a fun little love story, kind of reminiscent to Taylor Swifts song "You Belong with Me." It was so awesome. I will tell you that after several very long phone conversations we went on a real date, and it was a mega two-event date. That afternoon, the sun was shining, we were outside, exploring a historical place then, he reached for my hand, looked me in my eyes and just then... I was in LOVE. Love.

LLLLLONG story short, we dated seriously for two years. We lived together, adopted a cat, he graduated... I still had a year and that's when it fell apart. The last year we dated "unofficially" which was not a good idea. Things went downhill fast. We were just drifting apart. We wanted different things in life... and maybe they didn't include "us?" I moved out, then after I graduated I moved home. Yeah, he didn't follow me or even try to make it work long distance... neither did I. While I was busy at home trying to finish school, he was pretty busy back at school with his neighbor...who happened to be 5 years younger than him, blonde, a bit hip looking and totally interested in him. Well, that didn't sit well with me. We stopped talking, for a long time. I tired to forget the hurt I felt and tried to get over him by doing stupid things to "duct tape" my pain... but it didn't help.


While that didn't work, I felt myself wanting him back, and it was quite depressing. I soon found out in the time we stopped talking, all the nights I was thinking about him, he had started officially going out with the girl who happens to be my younger sisters age *20* A friend of his told me how happy he was. That's great. What was my response supposed to be? I wanted to sit there and tell his friend that I felt the worst I had felt since my dad died when I was younger. My heart hurt everyday for him and while my heart was hurting I just imagined him fucking his new girlfriend, smoking some pot, listening to The Beatles records *I bought him* and playing with my damn cat *MY CAT*. Yeah, that was my life... and she had it.

This son sums it up... and since I can't figure out to embed a stupid video... you must click on it... I know, too much energy- my apologies.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2axbXDjYqA


I had two choices. I went with the first one for a while. I sulked in my own self-pity, cried myself to sleep and just beat myself up over things I couldn't control...that got old real fast. I wanted to feel loved and love back... Needless to say I had just graduated, couldn't find a job and was sitting at home for days watching Wife Swap day after day... after day...

CHOICE #2- GET OVER IT. My mom wondered why I wasn't over "it" yet... and I wondered it too, but really, I wasn't. I didn't know how to get over it, but I knew I couldn't do it alone. My friends helped me, they listened and it was great, but their advice was one-sided, my mom was just wondering why I wasn't over him and then there was me. I was my biggest challenge... I couldn't get over the past. I was thinking about all the good times and all the love we had and it was so terrible on my heart... So, I sought out a therapist. I have been in therapy throughout some hardships in my life and fully believe in the power of psychoanalysis. On top of that, I bought Patti's book. ANNND guess what, I got a full-time job- so NO MORE wallowing. No more. I get up, go to work *40 hours a week* and try to think of anything BUT him... what shall we call him... EDMUND? Ok. And did you know it is super hard to NOT think of something... yyeah....



SO. That is my Love story in a very small nutshell. If you want more details, ask?... Therapy has helped and so has Patti. I am not going to lie, I still hurt inside everyday, but it is getting better. Everyone tells me I'm going to be OK and well, I have to believe them. I WILL FIND A MAN THAT DESERVES ME WHO TREATS ME THE WAY I WANT TO BE TREATED and to do this I have done several things to help me... with the help of PATTI. God love her and her fantastic advice...

8 *EASY* Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate.... We will see about that Ms. Stanger!

As shared, Ms. Stanger, or Patti *Oh High and Mighty one* ... OK, just Patti, has written a book sharing all of her secrets in how she works her magic. She has broken down everything she knows into 8 *EASY* Steps that will attract your perfect mate. Yes, it does sound like another self-help book, laying out steps to help you and blah blah... but it's not. I PROMISE. Yes, there are steps, and yes she wants to help me *and you* find true love, but I'm gonna be honest, most are common sense... which most of us lack.
Anyway....

I am turning my dating life over to Patti, and in doing this I am going to follow her 8 Easy step fool proof system to help me find my man. Now, this sounds too easy, and it might be... but lets take a look at the 8 steps she lays out:

1. Dating Detox
2. Mirror, Mirror
3. Make Your Own Matchmaking Map
4. Qualifying the Buyer
5. Adventures in Dating
6. First Days of Infatuation
7. Relationship Reality Check
8. Negotiating the Ring

I have looked most of them over and skimmed through the book and all seem very doable but, seeing as I am not finished with the book and some of them cannot be practiced unless I am in a committed, monogamous relationship I cannot practice some of them... just yet. But what I am going to do, as said, is turn my dating life over to Patti. I am going to read her book *what I am going to call the Bible* and I am going to find the man of my dreams. She claims its easy... so I'm here to challenge her... I hope she's right, because God love her *and me* I want to find the man of my dreams!

" Who the hell is Patti Stanger?"

Patti Stanger (Stayn-jer) is a third generation matchmaker and the owner of the most exclusive matchmaking service in the world, The Millionaires Club. She has seventeen years of experience in the professional dating-service industry. She is simple, spritual, sexy and a little sassy. I'm not going to tell you her life story, but I will tell you that she is just like any other girl in this world. She's like me, she's like you... she's your best friend.

She was adopted, grew up a Jewish Girl in a Barbie world, watched her mom try to do what she thought was right, dated a bunch of wrong guys, worked her way to the top of her field, and ultimately became a self-made, independent woman. Wow. She is my hero. You will have to read her book to know more details *small plug*

Anyway... her twenties and thirties provided her with many life lessons that have helped her become who she is today as a matchmaker and as a person. She has loved, she has lusted, and she has even married, but now, in her forties, she has realized that she doesn't have to be married to be happy, and wishes she would have realized this crucial element earlier on. Although, she is not opposed to marriage and has been happily dating a man for four and a half years and recently got engaged -woo, go Patti!

So, with a brief bit about Patti- If you want to know more, here...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patti_Stanger... although her book is much more descriptive *small plug* I would like to explain and describe her book , in which I dub, "My Bible."

I definitely don't wake up in the morning feeling like P-Diddy.

Have you ever woke up and laid in your bed and thought, " Damn, I wish I was happy?" Yeah, don't lie. Maybe you find yourself in a relationship that isn't where you want it to be, or maybe you aren't treated the way you want to be treated OR deserve to be treated or you're not in a relationship at all. Maybe you're a little overweight, or aren't active enough and man... it is Girl Scout season, and you have managed to eat your way through 3 boxes of cookies, all different types, eating one box a week at work... I don't know, maybe you see relationships crumbling around you because you have no fucking idea what you want, and in the meantime you are too worried about worrying about the future to live in the present. OK. You don't know me, but maybe you do. I could be your best friend, or a co-worker, or maybe even a friend of a friend you met a party last week when you had one too many drinks...or, I could be you. Regardless, it doesn't matter who I really am because I think we have all woken up with burdens we carry on our shoulders about ourselves, the past, the present, relationships, love and life..and those things I shared with you that I wake up thinking about on a daily basis are probably thought about by a lot of people in this world, maybe even P. Diddy.... what do you think?



I wake up every morning trying really hard to make TOday, THEday to be happy. I think about things that could help me be happy... and ways to make my life a little more interesting, a little more upbeat, have fun, and maybe, just maybe, be happy . So, that is my challenge... to be happy, and to have fun doing it. Sounds easy, right? Yeah, lets hope so *Optimism is key* But to do this, I have sought help from one of my favorite women to watch on T.V. and that is the one an only Patti Stanger AKA the Star of The Millionaire Matchmaker which airs on Bravo. I fell in love with Patti, and her practices shortly after I watched her work her magic on Millionaire Matchmaker. She is brilliant at what she does, and has a very high success rate. If I had a million bucks I would walk into her office and ask her to work her match making skills to find my soul mate, BUT since A. I'm not a millionaire & B. I don't live in L.A. I have decided to buy her book, "Become your Own Matchmaker- 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate" written by the One and Only Patti Stanger, with Lisa Johnson Mandell. And this is where the fun begins....