Like a trapeze artist..

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I'm “detoxing” currently and it’s not exactly like a day at the spa. Although dating detox has provided some MUCH NEEDED time for me to hone in on myself. My sister tends to call me “self absorbed” and she tends to be right… because right now in my life I have nothing to focus on but myself. All I have is time, time to do whatever the Hell I want… granted I work 40 hours a week so its limited, but really as “self absorbed” as my sister calls me, she is right, because well, I have nothing to grab on to. I have found over the past few weeks that I have not let go of my past because I refuse to hold on to ‘HOPE.’ I am not a very hopeful or faithful person so to put my life in the hands of the universe, which tends to get a bit scary for me. I am kind of a controlling person and like to KNOW what is going on and what is going to happen… and the sad part is, I trick myself into thinking I know how things are going to work out, but really even when I think that things are going to be a certain way, I still have no power over it- its all up to the universe. The universe works in mysterious ways… and as much as I try to hold on to the past, I have to let go and grab onto the future, I have to have HOPE that someday things will be OK and until I let go, I can’t even pretend to reach for the stars.

The problem is, is that there is nothing in the book about this, there is no answer and no suggestion on how to “move on” except I’m not allowed to dwell on the past or the negative. NOTE THIS:::: “Were not dwelling on the past and we’re not dwelling on the negative” Patti says.

And to move on, she suggests three things:
1. Dating yourself
2. Making a list- checking it twice
3. Admiration

We’re going to skip #1 right now, but let’s talk about 2 and 3…

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