"LIKE attracts LIKE"

So I'm detoxing, and in doing this Patti suggests many things for me to do to forget my troubles. First of all she is very serious about one being happy with themselves prior to sharing their love with someone else. "The truth behind the law of attraction is that "like attract likes" SO when it comes down to it, the happier you are, the happier your mate will be. As soon as I can learn to embrace myself rather than "languish in miserable isolation I will soon be free of that ugly and burdensome feeling known as desperation" SO TRUE. I had really been feeling desperate. I had dated several guys in the past few months after Edmund and I stopped talking and I would have killed to have felt something for any one them...but I didn't. I joked that you could have put a naked Brad Pitt in front of me and I would have shrugged and said "naw, too much baggage."


Patti asks a crucial question and that is, "Are you a happy person?" I can honestly tell you, I would not classify myself as a happy person FOR THE SOLE reason that I am not with someone. In my therapy I have discovered that I have been relying so much on someone else to make me happy over the years that I have put my own self-worth on the back burner and truly do not know what makes me happy. WOW, to realize that was critical in my self-discovery. While I'm putting it all out there, I think my constant need to be with someone stems from my insecurity my dad left me with when he unexpectedly died when I was 12. I will blame him. Its easier that way because he can't talk back... and in this process of finding what makes me happy, I'm also trying to find the things that can help me, overtime fill the emptiness I have in my heart that I have been left with overtime. I CANNOT RELY ON SOMEONE else to fill that hole, and that has been my biggest mistake...

Patti points this out exactly. She says that a lot of women are weighed down from issues in the past *exactly* and NOW is the time to tackle my demons head-on and get over them. AH, let me point out how I hate the term, "get over it" ...really? It's never that easy to just get over it. But anyway she explains that a lot of women spend so much time taking care of the people around them that they don't even know what it takes to please themselves.... is that you? It's me.

I had a bit of trouble coming up with things that made me happy. And she thought I might as she presents a list of life's simple pleasures that are quick happiness fixes. Granted these are temporary, but they are quick and they work. There is no limit on ways to make yourself happy, but I have practiced and implemented the following into my life:

1. Get lost in your favorite book- ahem...I read Patti's book every night before I go to bed. And take it to work in case I have a slow day.

2. I love to take bubble baths.

3. I work with animals, and she suggests that holding or petting an animal can be relaxing so I have that privilege on a daily basis.

4. Pick up an old hobby.. I like to knit, but haven't found the time, so I picked up the computer to start a blog instead. This is my new hobby- Practicing Patti...

5. I'm going to start gardening when the weather gets nicer. I would love to live off the land.

6. Happy music- this one was the first thing I did!! I bought myself an Ipod when I got my full-time job, and the first thing I did was load it up with terrible sad songs like " Sleeping with a broken Heart" by Alicia Keys "I Need you Now" by Lady Antebellum and " Break Even" by The Script.... wow, those brought me down on a daily basis, so I took those off and replaced them with songs like "Survivor" by Destinys Child "Believe" by Cher and " She's not Me" by Madonna, just to name a few. I am also a fan of rap music, so I have "Whatever you like" by T.I. on there as well, which is a daily reminder of how I deserve the things I want in life. Anyway.... YOU NEED TO DO THIS. I cannot tell you how much music controls the way you feel. I have a 30 minute commute to work there and back and in that time I try my best to think of things that are positive and upbeat and depressing songs do not help... so take those Alanis Morissette songs off your Ipod, as Patti said, because longing for lost loves is not gonna get you far.

7. I am a member of Weight Watchers. I love weight watchers and believe in it fully. I lost a max of 22lbs a few years ago, and I gained a bit of it back when I was going through some life changes, but at the moment I'm about 10lbs away from my goal weight and I JUST KNOW I CAN DO IT. In this, I try to workout 2-3 times a week. I go to the gym, or walk my dogs... anything to keep me moving. I find that jogging is a great escape. But exercising has to be something you enjoy... so don't go to the gym and hop on the treadmill if it's going to kill ya, because then you wont want to go back.

In doing these 7 simple things I have already seen a shift in my own self-worth. I have surrounded myself with positive things that pretty much circle around me, and me only. Which is what dating detox is all about. You don't have to do the things I have done, but make sure the quick happy fixes you choose are healthy, positive and self-fulfilling in that they aide you in finding your inner happiness. It is also crucial to know how to please yourself because in the next part of this journey, you will have to be aware of how to please yourself, so you can teach others how to please you.